There is a lovely little modified drink that certain types of people order at Starbucks. As a barista, every time I have to make this little latte, I scratch my head (figuratively speaking of course, since scratching one’s head around other people’s drinks is disgusting). It’s a decaf, sugar-free vanilla, nonfat, latte. Please read that again. Yup, that would be no caffeine, no sugar, no fat. You know what we baristas like to call this drink?
It’s a "Why Bother?"
I am very aware that Starbucks is America’s largest drug dealer. Caffeine is an addiction that many of our regular customers embrace (rather expensively I might add). So why would you go to a drug dealer and ask for fix-free drugs? The same reason why one should not enter an establishment known for peddling caffeine in large quantities and plop down $5 for a latte that has no kick whatsoever. Why bother?
Many women do the same thing in regards to men. I’ll speak on behalf of my sex, although I might be harsh (I always am). A lot of women I know, myself included, order that "tall drink of water" minus the most important part: beliefs. He went to church when he was kid and says he’s a “Christian.” Or he says he believes in God, when it’s very clear he’s the god of his life. We pick why-bothers in men. Most women’s why-bothers come in the form of bad boys. I can’t speak to this one personally since I’ve never gone for bad boys nor understood their appeal, but it seems to be a common weakness among women.
Yeah he’s hot, just like your latte, but there is no substance. There is no value, unless a killer smile and great hair is "valuable." And that time he smacked you? It won’t be the last. At least the people who order their why-bother latte have the decency to look chagrined or admit the lack of "oomph" to their drink. We women just excuse the failings of the why-bother men we pick or try to talk up some real (or imagined) selling points our man has. The fact is the most important selling point wasn’t there to begin with.
Or my weakness: the fixer-upper. All the potential is there; he just needs a little work. Hello?! This is a human being, not a house! I learned the hard way that you can’t make a person change. All the potential in the world doesn’t equal a great guy. He may have the makings of a good man, but he’ll always be a boy if he doesn’t choose to change. And that’s his choice, not yours.
Guys tend to be more honest. If they are dating a smokin’ hot blonde, they don’t tell their buddies how smart and communicative she is. When women date a hot guy, they admit they got a hot guy, but they try to pass him off as more when he really isn’t. Then when he treats them exactly like he’s apt to do, we women rant about how he changed. Sorry, you wanted the pretty boy, not the sweet man who would treat you right. You opted for the why-bother and got burned.
I am not trying to be cruel or judgmental towards people who’ve had a rough time in relationships. But next time you gamble in a person you know is a box of hair, please remember you’re ordering the human equivalent of a decaf sugar-free vanilla nonfat latte. Why bother?
