“Guys lust and girls long to be lusted after!” You may have heard this statement, but I think a more appropriate saying is, “Guys lust, girls long to be lusted after — and girls lust!”
Why do I even bring this up? I think it’s important for Christians to look honestly at the issue of sexual sin among women.
I’ve never had a guy tell me that he hasn’t looked at pornography, or at least ever thought about it. There’s a sense of freedom among men to confess their struggles with sexual sin. Women are hardly ever asked, “How is your thought life?” This is sad to me. Not because I feel left out that men are asked a question and we’re not, but because I think we need to be asked this and similar questions. Often sexual sin among women goes unconfessed and therefore unrepented.
Addressing the issue of sexual sin among women has become more difficult than addressing the issue of eating disorders among men. The idea of women lusting has been too remote on the Christian’s radar screen for far too long. Girls I have talked to, with the very struggles that have been mentioned, feel like they are walking around with 14 eyes and three heads. They feel like a fish out of water and are unable to broach the subject of lust and sexual sin because it’s so taboo.
Our culture screams, “SEX!” For women, I believe the struggles come along in a more subtle way, much like a Venus flytrap. We trifle with certain things that will possibly or even ultimately lead to sexual sin, and then — SNAP! — we’re caught in the trap! One reason, in my opinion, that we so rarely discuss the topic of sexual sin in the lives of women is because the struggle is not as noticeable. For example, women often read romance novels, watch romantic movies, soap operas and daydream of their wedding day. These things may not be wrong in and of themselves, but I have to ask whether or not the longing stops here. Knowing that our culture screams sex and we are sinners in that culture, isn’t it possible that these “innocent” acts among women turn into full-on desires for sex and lead to sexual sin? Could these desires themselves possibly be sexual sin? Can a woman continually read love stories or watch a married couple on TV engage in sex and not long for the very thing that is taking place? The sin is often disguised because the longing is more emotional than carnal. For example, watching a married couple making passionate love in a chick flick may seem to be justifiable when compared to a male’s struggle that may focus more on the actual act of sex.
Women must search their hearts with honesty and ask, “What are my ‘darling sins’ regarding sex?” or “What thing (thought, relationship, book, movie) am I clinging too tightly to in order to satisfy my desires and longings for sexual intimacy?” Men must ask themselves, “Am I giving women too much credit regarding their ‘control’ and ability to not fall into sexual sin?”
Obviously, each individual struggle with sexual sin looks different. The girls who have a different guy over every weekend to spend the night at their apartment are targeted much easier than girls who are enticing their sexual desires with a romance novel or with daydreams of their wedding night while at home in their empty apartment. Also, our sinful nature (passed on through Adam to all mankind) entices these sexual desires. The presence of chick flicks and romance novels may have never graced a young woman’s apartment, but there’s still the desire waging inside Christian women.
It’s not often that you will hear a Christian girl say, “Watching Days of Our Lives yesterday really made me long for sex with my boyfriend!” In reality, it may be that Days of Our Lives, or any other soap opera, has not caused a girl to struggle with lust. But the resounding question is could it? Sadly, I think we are playing with a Venus flytrap in regards to romance novels, chick flicks and daydreaming of our wedding night. Do we think that we’re above lust because we are women and don’t think about sex every few seconds like men do?
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