The day after the decision was made, I did nothing. Well, I did nothing physically anyway, but the inner-turmoil taking place was enough to exhaust a person. My stomach hurt, my eyes stayed swollen from crying, my brain would not take a moment’s rest … and I began to second-guess my decision. Had I done the right thing? Was this really what God wanted me to do? Would I ever move on with my life? Would I ever get married? The next few days would prove to be ones of confusion and dismay. As I mentioned, my intention was only to wait, so that God could work things out between my fiancé and I. My fiancé got scared, however, and could not fathom that I would ever marry him since I decided not to at the time we originally planned. We split up completely and have not seen each other since, more than seven months now, and I am not sure we ever will again.
Once I decided my big day was really not going to take place, for now anyway, I got in gear. I had a lot of help from my mom and grandma with the calling and canceling process. Most everyone was very considerate and understanding and refunded our money. Because we had already sent out all of the invitations, we bought postcards and I wrote a short note explaining that the wedding was off- offering apologies for any inconvenience it may have caused. All of our wedding shower gifts (yes, we had already had both of our showers also) were being stored at my grandmother’s house. We had planned to move them into our own home before the wedding. I divided the gifts and let him take the ones from his family to deal with and I dealt with mine. I tell people now that I know how to plan a wedding and for anyone who needs advice, I know how to cancel one, too.
That decision to cancel my own wedding was the biggest decision (after the one to accept Jesus Christ into my heart) that I have ever made in my life. I thank God for leading me to that decision, and I know God’s hand was in it the entire time. He knew what He was doing and He knew that He had bigger and better plans for both my fiancé and I. And that is the purpose of sharing this story with you. I want you to know that it is never, and I mean never, too late to back out no matter how old you are. Even if you are standing at the altar beside your groom about to say, ‘I do,’ if you have reservation oran inkling of doubt, you should calmly and quietly express your feelings to your fiancé. I realize this would not be easy, but what is one small minute of embarrassment compared to facing a lifetime of unhappiness and regret for making a huge mistake? You do not have to settle for less than what God has for you. Set your standards and your goals high and never look back. God will honor that.
Since the start of my “new life” as a young, single woman, I have rediscovered myself and my God. I have learned to open my eyes and listen harder to what God is saying to me. It’s not that He makes it hard, but it’s that we only listen to what we want to hear sometimes. When we realize and understand that our Maker, the one who gave up His life for us so that we could have eternal life with Him, only wants good things for us and is deeply moved by us, then maybe we’ll stop compromising and accepting the things the world has to offer. I have made a decision. I no longer try to make my life happen. I love my Lord and Savior and I seek His face. I know He will lead me into all truth. He knows my heart and that I only want what He wants. He will not allow me to be destroyed. I may be pressed, but not crushed. I may be persecuted, but I am not abandoned. I may be struck down, but I am not and will not be destroyed.
God has brought me to a place of such fulfillment and contentment. My relationship with Him has become one of pure simplicity. Too often in the past, I have made it harder than it needs to be. Now, I come before Him, bare and wounded in my fleshly, human body, much the way I did when I thought I would die seven months ago, and I say, “Here I am, Lord. I give you what I have to offer and that is my heart and my life.” Every single time, without exception, He sweeps me off my feet and lavishes His love upon me. He tells me how gorgeous I am and that He is so happy I decided to spend time with Him. He tells me He would fight and did fight to the death just for me. He is forever mine … and I realize that He, Jesus, really is all I need. He is after all, the man I have been seeing in my dreams for years.
The Lord has shown me that He is the key ingredient. He is what it takes to make a marriage happy, successful and one that will last. A marriage on earth should exemplify the relationship the Lord desires to have with us. We, His people, are His bride, and He is our groom. So … I wait. I wait for what my Jesus has prepared for me, expecting the greatest thing. My Lord has placed a love inside of me for my earthly husband and family, and when it’s time, I will be ready.
I will put on my gorgeous dress and veil, my matching jewelry and white flip-flops. Yes, flip-flops. I’ll walk down that aisle with complete assurance, confidence, respect and humility. I will know that this day was ordained by the Creator of the Universe before the foundation of the world, and I’ll say … ’I Do!’