There are many reasons I love being a girl—toenail polish, having doors opened for me, “chick flicks,” girls’ nights out. But sometimes it’s a double-edged sword when you meet a guy who you’d really like to talk to again. What’s a girl to do when she wants to be simple, modest and feminine, but she also wants to secure a phone call or a second glance from a boy?
A short while ago, I met a guy while vacationing at my family’s condo at the beach. It was obvious he was trying to situate himself in my line of sight. He was already in my sights, as a) he was very attractive, and b) I learned through his sister that he had just returned from a church mission trip to the Amazon. Needless to say, I was intrigued.
Sitting on the edge of the pool with him casually swimming up and down the length of the pool, I did the unthinkable—I initiated contact. Granted, he might have gotten the nerve to speak to me eventually, but in my mind I was thinking, “This guy is cute, he’s a Christian, he’s got a good job, did I say he’s cute? I’m not going to let this pass me by.” I knew I’d kick myself later if I didn’t say anything, although in the back of my mind I had the words of Elisabeth Elliot floating around—Do nothing. She cautions girls to let the boys do the pursuing, and good grief, don’t chase them. I spoke up anyway.
He was ready to chat, looking quite pleased that he had the chance to talk to me. I learned more things about him, and he about me. He even flirted with me, which was nice since I’m seen as a “sister in Christ” to all the men I know. It was a good conversation, one that left me with a smile tickling the corners of my mouth. Later on, the unthinkable happened again. He walked back over and introduced himself to my mother! I thought, Whoa, surely this must mean he’s interested! Oh, the way the mind runs when one has been single for too long a time. So after exchanging pleasantries, my mom discreetly left, leaving us to talk again until it was time for both of us to get out of the sun.
And here I stand. What’s a girl to do? The only thing I can do is nothing, just like Mrs. Elliot says. He knows my name and where I work, and a friend of mine always says, “If he wants to call, he will do it. If you never hear from him, you’ll know the reason.” Like I said, there are plenty of reasons I love being a girl, but in cases like this, where I’m standing at the mercy, if you will, of the guy, it’s pretty tough. The direction this thing will go—either forward or nowhere at all—lies completely in his hands. If I were a more aggressive, go-for-it, sock-it-to-’em woman, maybe I’d go to his door, knock and ask for his number, but I prefer more old-fashioned ways.
I like the biblical version of man as the leader and woman as the responder. I want to marry a man who is a leader, who takes charge and who goes for the things he wants. I don’t ever want to have to ask myself, “Would he have come to me on his own?” Yes, I was the first to speak, but I justify that by saying that they were only words and I was just being friendly. The rest is up to him. Will he track my number down and call, or won’t he? It’s the place all single women have been at some point in the journey. Resistance is futile; we all lie in bed re-thinking entire conversations, picking apart our words and trying to find hidden meanings in his.
I suppose the way to stop the endless replaying in our minds and the ongoing guessing game has become quite a cliché, but nevertheless, it stands as truth: We single women need to trust God. Trust that He does have a good and perfect plan for our lives. Trust that if His plan is for us to be married, then He will provide a husband who will meet our needs—needs we don’t even know we have. And trust that if this attractive Christian guy in the pool with the late afternoon sun shining on his shoulders is not in fact the one God has chosen for me, then He’ll send another Mr. Wonderful my way. I know that I have a lot to offer someone, and I can only pray that the right one will see me and truly appreciate what I have to offer, and who will in return offer me all he has to give.
And until our Mr. Wonderful comes along, we single ladies need to remember the reasons it’s good to be girls, and share those things with each other. Because as we all know, these men can be fickle, and God gives us other single women to help us along our collective journeys. We all understand how difficult the journey can be, especially in this age of women leading versus women responding. Yet the hurts we endure, while sometimes painful, can usually be assuaged if not remedied for a while by ice cream and a girl’s night in.