According to a recent report from Bloomberg, Instagram is now worth more than $100 billion and will soon have more than 2 billion users that spend time scrolling through it at stop lights, while standing in line and while sitting in church pretending to be on YouVersion.
Instagram gives us the ability to share life’s most memorable (and highly curated and heavily filtered) moments with our friends, families, people from school we haven’t seen since graduation day. It also gives us the ability to silently cast judgement on people’s fashion choices, photography skills and ability to write witty hashtags.
But, for Christians, Instagram serves another important purpose: It allows us to look super spiritual, and be the Christian that other Christians are jealous of, just like the Bible teaches. It’s like some saint or something said, “Preach the gospel at all times, but when necessary, use the Gingham filter.”
To help you walk out this command, we present a guide to help you look really spiritual on Instagram.
Use the word “tribe” to describe your own family.
This makes you sound like Old Testament royalty. Your seminary-going friends will be very impressed. Using hashtags like #myTribe will garner you the respect you deserve.
Post a screenshot of your phone playing a Jesus Culture song.
Select any song from any Jesus Culture album ever. Screenshot your phone playing it. Post with a caption like “Starting the day off right.” Collect one more treasure in heaven. Even people who aren’t saved will know you’re listening to Christian music, because Jesus is in the band’s name. It’s a win-win, really.
Complain about things, but only in a passive aggressive “thankful” way.
Sure, posting a picture of your chipped iPad screen, a botched latte order (how hard is it to understand “light on the foam!”) or a long line at Whole Foods may seem petty and passive aggressive, but posting that you are “thankful” for all of life’s blessing despite these trials will show that you have your priorities straight.
Every time you fly, make sure to take a picture outside the airplane window.
Here’s the key: Make sure your caption says something about being on an adventure with God.
Make sure everyone knows you went to church on Sunday.
Post an image of the pastor on stage and make the caption about how challenged you were during the sermon.
Re-share John Crist videos
Christians love these, and will now know that you’re a Christian because you re-shared it.
Selectively post alcoholic beverages (to prove you’re a ‘cool’ Christian).
Occasionally post an image of a glass or wine or craft beer, this way, fellow churchgoers know you are one of the cool ones. Not too often though, because you don’t want them to get all judge-y in the comments.
Pro tip: Don’t post these to Facebook. Grandma will see and probably won’t be a fan.
Regularly promote your MLM business.
Churchgoers love these. They will definitely buy your leggings, weight-loss “pink drink,” hair products or essential oils.
While this article was clearly written in a satirical tone, many Christians do tend to heavily rely on Instagram to make themselves look more spiritual than they actually are. Feeling convicted?