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A Hipster’s Guide to Football

The beginning of the college football and NFL seasons means pretty much every restaurant with a TV will be filled with guys wearing Cam Newton jerseys and cargo shorts that don’t mind sitting on a barstool for eight straight hours. But what do you do if you want to have an interest in football, but you’re a bit of a hipster? Could you really find enjoyment in such a mainstream form of entertainment when you lost all respect for Radiohead after OK Computer? Of course! Anything is possible! You convinced your parents to have a Wes Anderson movie marathon, so this will be easy. Here are some tips:

###You Can Go To Vintage Clothing Stores for Sunday Gear

Sports can drastically expand your vintage clothing shopping—because throwback jerseys are incredibly popular. Now you have to be careful, because getting one that’s just a few years old makes it look like you’re just a cheapskate that ponied up for a Ronde Barber jersey in 2010. You want someone that others may have forgotten about or that was beloved, because then you’ll look like a real fan and not just a bandwagoner.

###You Can Still Stay on Your Phone and Ignore Everyone Around You

Thanks to fantasy football you can still spend the entire day staring at your phone without carrying on a conversation. I mean, you invested a whole $10 in this league so you have to spend the majority of your time over the next four months keeping up with every stat. And when someone questions it, you can still judge them for “just not getting it.” It’s like the last few seasons of Louie.

###Team Fandom is Exactly Like Band Fandom

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A decade ago, no one cared about the Seattle Seahawks, and you’d have a better chance teaching your parents Snapchat than finding someone wearing their jersey. Now they’re everywhere. All you have to do is pick a mediocre team and wait. It’s like when your favorite band that you saw live in a basement with a dozen people in the crowd now has a song in a Toyota commercial.

###You Get To Constantly Be Ironic and Sarcastic

You know how you roll your eyes when someone talks about getting coffee from a chain? Then you get into an argument over which is better? That’s pretty much every football argument that’s ever been had! Wouldn’t it be nice to expand your pointless arguments into a whole new territory that’ll bring in friends and family members that never got heated before?

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