“They’re just so in love …”
There’s a disturbing trend that’s sweeping our culture: people getting married because they’re in love.
That may not sound disturbing to you at all. In fact, that may be exactly what you were taught to do.
Maybe it’s what you’ve heard and seen in the couples around you.
Maybe it’s what you’ve read about and watched on TV.
And maybe, it’s how you’ve approached marriage for yourself.
Because first comes love, then comes marriage.
It’s what songs and dreams are made of.
But what if we’ve got it all wrong? What if our definition of “love” is completely off? What if our expectations of being “in love” are actually causing more harm than good?
Because just as quickly as you can fall in love, you can fall right back out of love. Just as quickly as emotions come, emotions can go. When we follow our feelings into marriage, we can also follow our feelings right back out of marriage.
CHOOSING LOVE VS. BEING IN LOVE
“Feelings come, and feelings go, and those who build the foundation of their marriage on how they feel will eventually find their marriage crumbling. It’s easy to follow our hearts, but it takes courage to LEAD our hearts” (Choosing Marriage, pg.19).
It takes courage to lead our hearts into healthy relationships.
It takes courage to lead our hearts into making good choices.
It takes courage to lead our hearts in recognizing the traits and qualities that make a good marriage, and the qualities and traits that do not.
We live in a culture that would rather us have feelings over faithfulness.
Sexual chemistry over compatibility.
Infatuation over integrity.
Attraction over attitude.
Glamour over godliness.
Hotness over humility.
Being in love over choosing to love.
So please, don’t get married just because you’re in love. Get married because you see the important qualities and traits in someone that will make for an incredible partner, a partner who will faithfully walk by your side through the ups and downs of life, and love you through thick and thin. Get married when—and only when—you are ready to CHOOSE love. Every single day of your life.
Because that, my friends, is what makes for true love. No matter what Hollywood tells you.
And take a little time for this free, easy relationship assessment that you and your partner can take together. It’ll help make sure that you’re both on the same page about where you’re at and where you want to be in the future.
Debra Fileta is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She's also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book a session with her today!