Fact: A Venti Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks will set you back about $5.25 (unless your at an airport where for some reason the price of everything goes up for no apparent reason).
Fact: Pumpkin Spice Lattes are gross.
Fact: It is embarrassing to order a Pumpkin Spice Latte. When the barista loudly announces “One Venti Pumpkin Spice Latte for Rick!” with your name emblazoned on the side of the cup, there’s a reason you feel like all of the customers are silently judging you and your faux-autumnal beverage: Because they are.
Fact: If you have $5.25, there are a lot of other cool things you could purchase instead. Here a few ideas.
A Now Very Rare and Collectable, Discontinued Copy of I Kissed Dating Goodbye to See How Far Things Have Come
This may be worth something some day.
(… assuming you still own a device that play a DVD)
A Framed Picture of a Lovely Looking Family
You can make up whatever backstory you want!
3 Copies of Carman’s Live and Reloaded Album
They make great gifts!
The mid-90s are so hot right now.
(That is, assuming you don’t already own a copy of this masterpiece. If that’s the case, than this can be your back up copy.)
Some Old School WWJD Bracelets
A Sticker to Show Your Devotion to Jesus and Coffee
They will know we are Christians by our stickers.
A Passive Aggressive Jesus Bumper Sticker
A very Christian thing to have.
(… For fancy nights out on the town.)
Or, if you really want to nail adulting, look past the season of PSL and save that $5.25 for Christmas spending.