It’s summer, which means one thing: wedding season. Sure, it’s wonderful if you’re getting married. But for those of us who aren’t flying to Jamaica after the ceremony, it’s usually not quite as exciting. So how do you make it through all the weddings you’re invited to this summer? Here are a few keys:
No wedding in the history of weddings has ever taken place at a convenient time. Sure, the ceremony may only last an hour, but where they get you is that Lord of the Rings trilogy-feeling wait between the ceremony and the reception. You can’t be expected to Cha Cha Slide if you haven’t been given the proper Cha Cha Slide nutrients. This is why you need to eat a full meal before you leave your house. That way, the worst case scenario is just that you’re too full to go through the buffet line again.
Buy Comfortable Shoes
Guys, get some black shoes that aren’t those shiny bowling shoes. Ladies, those giant heels are cool, but you don’t have to worry about Dikembe Mutombo trying to dunk on you during a candle lighting ceremony, so slip on some comfy flats and save your feet the agony of balancing on leopard-print stilts for nine hours.
Have Fun, But Remember the Photographer
By all means, enjoy your day by cutting loose, but remember, this is an event with a professional team of photographers and dozens of relatives all snapping photos like paparazzi watching Justin Bieber give CPR to a beached dolphin. You don’t want the biggest takeaway from the day to be that your dance moves look insane on camera.
When All Else Fails, Just Buy a Gift
Your friends want you to attend their wedding, but in the same way that love covers a multitude of sins, a nice gift masterfully replaces the fact that you couldn’t attend their ceremony. No one has ever said, “Wow, that was so nice of Harold and Rebecca to attend our wedding even though they didn’t bring a gift.” If you buy a new couple a Wii U, they won’t care if you returned their RSVP letter covered in dog hair and baby spit. After all, that’s what wedding season is really all about: getting a Wii U.