More Laws Now!


I watch c-span. A lot. I know. Super news junkie geekyfied huh.

That’s not all. I watch all the cable news channels every day (back and forth like a Chinese gold medal pin-pong match). I live on Drudge and follow about 10 political blogs religiously (my two favorites are Christopher Hitchens and Peggy Nonnan).

But this election cycle I think I am going to fast both the democratic and republican conventions.

Too much spin for the sake of spin and not enough discussion of reality I think. There is only so much, “the other guy eats babies but I care for every human in the nation and will solve all of our problems in a month,” a guy can handle. 

Right now the Democratic National Convention is blowing up like a deluxe Wal-Mart pool floaty toy with this sort of flabber. I will be surprised of the Republicans do not meet or exceed their flabber factor as well.

Last night during the coverage (which I was not watching) I got a strange mix of emails and texts from friends who are left, right and center. They were all chiming in on what they thought the Dems should do to win. The list (mostly satirical) was an interesting mix of new legislation for a sort of liberal bizarro world (one suggestion – all human where orange pants suits to promote equality).

This got me thinking – what new laws would I put in my platform? Here’s what I came up with:

Law One: No Burger King commercials at 10:30 p.m. while I am dieting. 

Law Two: Nametags for everyone, all the time. I just feel so much more peace when I am not working to remember names. And make them the nice quality nametags. Not those cheapy lanyards. You know the ones that  hang so low you have to stare at a persons belly button and they are always flipping over to the backside so you can’t see the name anyway.

Law Three: The California state government and the Utah State government should be forced to switch places for a year – just for fun.

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Law Four: Olympic handball is just water polo without the water! End the crime of it!!!!

Law Five: No more wearing bluetooth headsets at the grocery store like you are a somebody cause they are not that expensive anymore and you look goofy.

Law Six: Lost has to actually give us some good answers in the first episode of the new season or the writers should be forced to star on every episodes of the final season of ER.

Law Seven: No more political conventions. Stop these propaganda piles of brain wasting-infomercials-of-deathness shows. We need more debates focused on issues and less political beauty contest/variety shows. Russia, Iraq and the bankrupt social security system could care less about how balloons fall from the ceiling. Please, stop the madness. George Orwell is getting seasick from spinning in his grave.

Other laws?

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