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Why I Am Not Cool

This is not one of those I’m so not cool that I’m actually cool deals. You know, you just get older and you realize your body changes, your mind changes and even, somehow, your clothes change too. This is just a bunch of reasons why I really am not cool, like you care. Really.

Reason Number One: I’m losing hair and it shows.

It’s definitely not cool to lose your hair. And it’s even more uncool when you’re using a product like Rogaine in order to chemically re-engineer that precious, fleeting thing called hair follicles. It’s even more uncool that I try to cover up my bald spot by doing the comb-over. Help me, please.

Reason Number Two: I’m 25, I don’t have a real job and I live with my parents. What more do I need to say here?

Reason Number Three: I don’t like candy anymore.

I recently bought a bag of jolly ranchers and I didn’t enjoy it. In fact, it hurt my teeth and I kept wishing that I saved my money and bought an apple instead. I’ve been realizing that things I used to like I don’t like anymore and things I used to not like, I like now, such as turkey sandwiches and chess.

Reason Number Four: I need to trim my nose hairs a lot more than I used to. Again, do I really need to explain some of these reasons?

Reason Number Five: I’m 25 and I’m still in school. This is similar to reason number two, except that it’s not as bad, although very related to the not having a real job thing.

Reason Number Six: Loud music hurts my ears.

Back in my day (not that I’m all that old), I was a rocker, man. I really was. Drove down with my bud and my pastor to Tennessee just to see Delirious? and went to see P.O.D. in NYC right after 9/11. But now, I’m steadily decreasing the volume of my stereo, listening to some lame adult contemporary Christian band (which will remain nameless) at pee-wee decibels.

Reason Number Seven: Too much violence disturbs me.

The good old days were when I could watch the Terminator, T2 and T3 in one sitting and not even notice the mortifying mind-numbing violence. Now, I can’t even get through one episode of Malcolm In The Middle without decrying the adolescent hijinx and pre-pubscent humor.

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Reason Number Eight: I often wonder about the scientific possibility of time travel.

It’s true. In high school, I would seriously debate my friend about the possibility of time travel. I read stories about time travel (Michael Crichton’s Timeline, for instance), and articles on Einstein’s theory of relativity and why it’s proved wrong (because of the cosmological constant).

The point is?

I think it’s that we realize that things change. People change. And change means that we’re headed somewhere at the end of the line. Our lives are fleeting, so before they go fleeting by, maybe it’s time I thought about the eternal-perspective of things. Maybe it’s time I thought about losing my life in order to find it. Somebody I know said that, but living it is a whole different story. I read somewhere that “life is living.” I take that to mean that in order to truly live, you need to have the true life (as in John 6:48 – “I am the way, the truth and the life.”)

So simple, yet so complex and in fact, very cool.

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