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A Relevant Halloween

In celebration or in admonition of Halloween, we present to you the top 10 reasons (a la Letterman) why Halloween is bad or good. We hope to not offend pastors nationwide who are holding their own protest against this decorated holiday, nor do we want to instill guilt upon celebrants of this festivious (or should we say devious?) day.

However you may feel, I think we can all agree on one thing: Have a safe weekend!

Top 10 Reasons Why Halloween Is Bad

10) A large increase of satanic activities and occult gatherings (at least according to my former youth pastor).

9) Overdosing on candy.

8) No parades. That’s just wrong.

7) Being unidentifiable can easily motivate one to take part in activities that one would otherwise not participate in. For example: TPing, egg throwing and the like.

6) Most of the new costumes confuse instead of make you smile.

5) People try to trick you into thinking that candy corn actually tastes good.

4) Receiving a candy-apple (with already a bite taken out of it) as a treat from some elderly woman with dentures. What? That never happened to you?

3) Receiving a tract instead of candy.

2) Lame alternative "Hell Houses" or “Harvest parties” held at churches.

1) Because you might compliment someone on their costume and then they reply: "I’m not wearing a costume."

Top 10 Reasons Why Halloween Is Good

10) Little kids dress as Hello Kitty, Spider-Man, Harry Potter and other cute outfits.

9) Overdosing on candy.

8) People over age 13 have an excuse to go out and pander for goodies too.

7) Two words: haunted house.

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6) Ten words: holding hands with someone you like at the Haunted House.

5) Carving out pumpkins and other crafty activities.

4) A knock on a stranger’s door is welcomed. What else brings a neighborhood together for one common purpose like trick-or-treating?

3) When you see black cats, scarecrows and broomsticks, you know nativity scenes and Christmas lights are right around the corner!

2) It’s the only day you can wear a mask with a chainsaw in hand and everyone will think you’re normal.

1) The ability to dress up like any character from the Lord of Rings is reason enough to celebrate any holiday.

[The RELEVANT editorial team’s favorite costume this Halloween is the unflappable Ken Jennings (that guy who keeps winning on Jeopardy!). He-Man and Napoleon Dynamite came in a close second.]

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