Loneliness is one of those feelings that always gets a grip on my heart. It has these fingers that just hold on with the tightest of grips with one motive—to not let God release me. I have many days where everything seemed like it was moving slower than I could possibly imagine. I would wait and wait for the day to come to a seemingly depressing end, looking back only to realize that I had accomplished absolutely nothing.
But the question that reverberates in my mind is, Why do I let myself get to this point of self-pity when I know that my life is not under my control, but under that of someone who never gets bored just waiting for me to pay attention to Him? Sure, I am sinful. Sure, I fall down. Yet how come when things are moving along at a relatively slow pace, I get lonely?
Sometimes we can spend so much time waiting around for things to make us happy, for things to fill our lives. But often even in those times of a million and one things to do, a million and one friends to make time for and hoping to find the perfect companion out of a million and one men that I feel the worst.
Those are times of trying to prove myself, trying to be someone for somebody—working way too hard at living if you ask me! And it is in these times that I want to go inside my heart and pry off every single finger that is holding my heart within its grip. But instead of resorting to this mental violence, I have learned that it is best to slow the clock ticking in my head and delve back into the Word of God.
It is in the times of “I can no longer live alone” that I realize that I will never be living on my own. God has blessed each and every one of our lives with His divine and holy love. Sometimes, like in times of loneliness when we shut the doorway to God, we are saying, “God, I don’t want you because you are not making my time useful.” Wow. That’s a lot to swallow. It’s also a lot to reconsider.
However, rather than shutting the door to God during times of what seems to be tedious progression, we should look towards Him to fill our time. Instead of wasting the day away wondering about when the love of our life will walk through the door, or when our lives are going to change from ho-hum to histrionic, let us make a pact to seek out God.
Let us be assured that even when our lives are going along without much happening, God is still at work. He is still calling us to His love, and it is in this assurance that all that grips and entangles our hearts will be stripped away, only to house the true love of our humble God.
[Danielle DiTullio is a 19-year-old physical therapy student at Northeastern University, Boston, Ma. All she wants, prays and hopes for is to be a witness of the love of God to others everywhere.]
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