I never thought that I, as a 25-year old, would be writing, “What do I want to do with my life? Where am I going, what am I doing? And what am I supposed to do?” And yet, my journal has pages that are full of these and similar prayers from the recent weeks and months.
Chalk it up to change of pace at work (the ability to actually breathe instead of just “survive”), or that my husband has been traveling this summer with work (so my “day-dreaming” has spiraled out of control). We just purchased our first home—in real need of remodeling—and my boss of four years just left her job, leaving me a little overwhelmed with information and the potential for new responsibilities. In almost every area of my life, things have been turned upside down. And oh, did I mention that I’m also taking 18 hours of school this semester?
I have found myself seeking over and over the voice of God, daring Him to part the clouds and show me the path that He wants me to step onto. The fork in the road actually looks like more of a spoon; there are so many options, each somewhat connected to another. At these crossroads, all paths seem interconnected. My health, emotional sanity, passion and inner drive have continually brought me back to the pages of my journal, crying out for God to give me a clear sign, begging for a push in the right direction, for a word, an inkling of what I’m supposed to do with this overwhelming raw emotion. This morning, I dared Him to speak directly to me, as some of my friends had been. Then I realized—He had.
I am blessed with friends who are more real than anyone I have ever known previously; not only have they stood by me in the difficult and lonely moments, but they have also pushed me—sometimes forcefully—into the next day, inspiring me and daring me to dream beyond what I have ever thought possible.
“Seize the day,” is what they’ve most recently been telling me. “You’ll never have more time than you do right now.” This comes after many hours spent talking about where I am in life and dreaming about where I want to be and then making excuses as to why I’m not there … and not even actively moving in that direction.
I’ve been reminded of a message my husband recently gave about God’s prompting and how sometimes we’re expecting Him to push us when He might just nudge or even shift His eyes, as if daring us, in our curiosity, to follow.
The beginning of Luke starts with the key verse for his message. “So many others have tried their hand at putting together a story … since I have investigated all the reports in close detail … I decided to write it all out for you …”
Luke, the trained doctor, who had probably been through extensive training in his field didn’t wait for a sign or for the “fleece” to get wet. He had a good idea, and he moved forward. Eureka!
What a concept: have a good idea; research it; do it!
How simple it truly is. God’s arm is not too short to bring me back if I venture too far into my own dreams and plans. If I’m loving God, loving people and following Him honestly and passionately, I’m squarely in the middle of his will. And that means that for me, the spoon in the road holds a variety of possibilities—all of which are desires given to me by God. Now it’s just up to me to decide which one I want to do first.