That song really haunts me. The Radiohead song, “Let Down.” Had to buy it.
It seems to transport time away altogether, like I’m unaware what decade it is. Riding in the car, looking out the dark window, watching the city lights melt away, watching the half-moon follow us …
But the melody seems to come from some time past, like I’ve heard it before, but I really haven’t.
The words are different, like it isn’t supposed to be like this. Disappointed people. But everyone goes around like I’m the crazy one. I remember feeling crazy, thinking crazy, I still do sometimes. It is so lonely when no one understands you … where you are coming from, I mean, NO ONE. Hysterical and let down and hanging around. It makes one weary. Even the most intimate of my friends don’t understand me completely, they haven’t been inside my head all these years. How can anyone really understand anyone else absolutely inside and out?
Radiohead knows there is a hope. There is always hope. A chemical reaction. Growing wings.
That one note … it makes me cry, too.
But now there is peace.
I am not crazy, and things aren’t supposed to be like this. God tells me so. He is the one who made me, and He is the one who completely knows me. (From Psalm 139).
This peace … I can not describe. It is too wonderful … too unbelievable.
I always wanted to be a better person than I was. I have always been selfish, I still am. But God is so gracious that He loves me anyway. He has promised to help me change the formulas of thought and the selfishness and those controlling tendencies that I have long since given up trying to change myself. I can’t even love others the way I want to. My secret is I need God. I can’t do it myself, and I am exhausted from trying.
”May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul, and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The One who calls you is faithful, and He will do it” (1 Thess. 5:23 NIV).
God sees us as we were intended to be.
Even if those around us don’t.