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10 People Who Are at Every Christian Conference

Christian conferences are great places to get spiritually recharged, glean some valuable insight from well-known leaders and, of course, meet a lot of interesting new people.

But, as anyone who has ever attended one of these gatherings knows, along with van-loads of pastors and enthusiastic believers, Christian conferences attract a few, very specific types of attendees.

Whether it’s a Charismatic worship gathering, a youth rally, a leadership conference or a Christian social justice meeting, it’s not uncommon to find these individuals throughout the crowd.

Here are 10 types of people you may bump into at your next Christian conference.

The Rogue Shofar Player


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No one asked this individual to bring a traditional shofar ram’s horn (typically reserved for Jewish religious celebrations) to the event—most likely a Charismatic leaning worship conference—and blow it at random times. However, it’s likely been happening for thousands of years at Christian gatherings, so you’re just going to have to deal with it.

The Networker


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While most attend the Christian conferences for spiritual guidance on topics like leadership, community or social justice, the networker is there to connect. Have you heard about his blog? Do you follow him on Twitter? She’s working on a book/CD/social network/app/Christian Shark Tank idea she’d love to talk to you about! If you have a minute, he’s got a great new product that can really help your church. They are one of the only people at the conference who is not a speaker that is also wearing a suit.

The Swag Bag Enthusiast


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This attendee paid good money to be here, so you better believe they are going to load four tote bags with every sticker, free book, coffee mug, rubber bracelet, worship music demo tape and mousepad the conference has to offer.

The Unauthorized Percussionist


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Like the rogue shofar player, the unauthorized percussionists likely smuggled their instruments of praise into the worship gathering covertly. Just because they are not formally part of the praise team doesn’t mean they aren’t going to join in the music with their assortment of tambourines, egg shakers and rain sticks.

The Patriot


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If you didn’t notice from the over abundance of American flags incorporated into their outfit, this attendee is extremely passionate about Jesus and America. They also may have brought some political literature that they’ll be handing out—with or without permission. This is, after all, America.

The Flag Waver


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They arrived early to get a seat up front with their glittery banners of praise adorned with doves, flames and royal crowns. Just enjoy the show.

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The Coffee Sipper


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This individual looks like most of the other attendees, except they are never, ever seen without a cup of coffee in their hand. You can likely find them chatting it up with the Networker at the coffee bar between sessions.

The Stressed Out Youth Pastor


Image: Wet Hot American Summer

This poor soul just drove a filthy van filled with teenagers 11 hours to get here. Not only do they now have to worry about logistics like food money and meeting times, they also (and primarily) have got to make sure kids from their youth group aren’t responsible for the shenanigans back at the Comfort Inn tonight.

The Hippie


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Why isn’t this individual wearing shoes? Are they in a Passion play, or do they just naturally look like Jesus? Did they pick the flowers that are in their hair from the landscaping display outside the convention center? Are they sitting crossed legged on the floor for a reason? Because there are plenty of open seats. So many questions.

The Gadget Guy/Girl


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Their first words upon entering the conference is this phrase, directed to a volunteer: “Excuse me, what’s the Wi-Fi password?” With their array of gadgets, they planned on getting involved in every hashtag discussion, posting live Tumblr updates, streaming a Meercat feed and uploading YouTube videos, but unfortunately, they spend most of their time hunting for a place to plug in their eight devices, which are constantly in need of recharging.

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