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UMD’s New Football Uniforms Are Made of Pure Freedom

It’s been a very bad week for football, what with the despicable Ray Rice assault case in the NFL. College football hasn’t fared much better, with the announcement that Penn State’s punishment for its child sex coverup is being significantly reduced. So it’s into this mess that the University of Maryland unveils their new uniforms, which are a breath of fresh, freedom-loving air. The uniforms have been inspired by the 200th anniversary of the Battle of Baltimore, from whose ramparts Francis Scott Key found his inspiration to pen “The Star Spangled Banner,” the U.S. national anthem. And now UMD has seen fit to inscribe Scott Key’s penmanship over its players uniforms, in a show of support for truth, justice and the United States of America, son. The uniforms will also be inscribed with the line “CONQUER WE MUST” which was included in Key’s original poem but stricken from the official National Anthem for some baffling reason.

What any of this has to do with UMD’s actual mascot—a turtle—is not entirely clear. But in America, you just don’t turn down an opportunity for patriotism …

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