Never, Ever, Ever Go Into the Water

We’ve discussed this around here. Don’t go into the water. Just don’t. Dry land ain’t broke, so don’t fix it. The only things that can come of going into water are fear and destruction, so stay where you’re at. And if you need any further evidence, then take a look—if you dare—at whatever this thing is. It washed up on the shores of Spain, and nobody’s quite sure what it is. What they do know is that it’s about 13 feet long, it reeks to high Heaven, and (just guessing here) there are more of them out there and they are terrors of the deep. So don’t go bothering them. Just stay here. On the land. Where it’s safe …

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