Coldplay, cross-country skiing, Tolstoy and post-modernism—these are a few of my favorite things. You can readily access that information and a list of my other hobbies, favorite books, musicians and accomplishments on my MySpace page. From my profile you can access my friends’ sites, and you will see that they are fun and interesting too, and our pictures together prove that we are engaging and adventurous people. My profile makes me look fascinating. I only showcase my most interesting of activities and the accomplishments I am most proud of. You can see it all, everything about me that is appealing. It is compiled and edited for your viewing pleasure. Yes, I did say edited. There is a lot about me I am not eager to openly share, even with my friends.
All those things in my profile are true, but in a sense it really isn’t the whole truth. I find myself wondering, “Am I as cool as my MySpace page?†I’ve picked out the parts of my life that are good and attractive to show others and hidden the parts which aren’t so shiny and pretty. I don’t write secrets that I keep on my page, and I don’t write things I feel bad about myself. I just write the things I am proud of.
Things my MySpace profile does not say about me includes spitting like a camel when I run, being an overly defensive and sometimes insecure writer and the fact that I am fighting—relying on my own rationalizations rather than transcendent thought one day at a time. My page doesn’t say these things because I have control of it, and I would rather show the world and my friends the things in which I am proud of, rather the things I really don’t like very much about myself.
Whether or not you have a MySpace page or blog, you may have experienced this feeling too. Beyond the profile, are you as cool as the person you present to others? I am often the edited version of myself especially when meeting new friends. And often times this MySpace profile becomes the way I live my life. I am the living breathing walking talking MySpace version of myself. And the fact of the matter is, I’m not perfect, and I have faults, but sometimes it’s hard to know how to get rid of them.
The first step is often bringing those secrets onto your page. This doesn’t mean you have to write these things on your website if you have one, but telling a friend you trust that you’ve been struggling with something can help you pull yourself out of it. Somehow the release of secrets can free you. It frees you to do take action to work out your issues with the support of others. And it leaves you wide open to receive deeper and more honest relationships.
Privately confessing secrets to God through meditation and prayer are sometimes enough to free the conscience, but often times in order to not fall back into recurring routines it’s necessary to have accountability from a community you trust. Bad habits die hard, and sheer will power just isn’t enough to fight off ongoing practices. It can take a public act of confession to truly rid yourself of guilt and change behavior. It takes an act of courage to bring shortcomings to the attention to others, but this small act can radically transform the person you are and they way you live your life.
It’s so important take some time to decide what secrets or habits you will bring to the surface and give up. When letting go of whatever is holding you back, do not be afraid to ask God for grace and wisdom in return. You will be amazed by all the life you gain.
Dig Deeper
Psalm 90:8
Jeremiah 23:24
2 Corinthians 4:2
Psalm 9:15
