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McDonald’s Gives Terrifying Mascot a Terrifying Redesign

Back in 1963, McDonald’s made the baffling decision to market to children using a shiver-inducing monster in giant red shoes. Who knows who made this decision, but in more recent years, McDonald’s has quietly tried to reign in its creature—allegedly because of criticism its received for marketing to children, but also because it’s something from the world of nightmares. However, today, whether because McDonald’s execs have fallen under their creation’s dark spell or because they fear its immense power, Ronald McDonald is out in full force, garbed in a chilling new array of sundries and also using social media, because evil will always update. “Selfies … here I come!” the bone-rattling humanoid declared. “It’s a big world and now, wherever I go and whatever I do … I’m ready to show how fun can make great things happen.” Reading between the lines, the clown’s message is desperately apparent: “It’s too late to hide. Your best hope now is to fight” …

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