How Many of These Classic Christian Girl Autumn Activities Have You Tried?

As you know, it’s Christian Girl Autumn. It’s actually double Christian Girl Autumn, since the U.S. was in full lockdown mode for last year’s festivities. In any case, a very happy Christian Girl Autumn to all who celebrate. Of course, Christian Girl Autumn isn’t so much a season as it is a vibe; a perspective; a way of presenting yourself to the world. But you hardly need any of these instructions. You’re already well-versed in Christian Girl Autumn. So there’s only one question: How many of these classic Christian Girl Autumn things have you done to bring in the season?

Boycotting the Resident Evil franchise until they change the name to Resident Kindness

Pumpkin Spice toothpaste

Guessing the Enneagram of everyone on Squid Game

Leaving a trail of Harry Potter books from your front door to a giant hole in the ground in order to trap the devil

Adapting the entire God’s Not Dead franchise into a stage musical

Chaperoning the unruly teens at the church Harvest Festival Party

Making fun, seasonally appropriate facemasks out of autumn leaves

Hacking into Facebook to take the entire site down for nearly a whole day

Carving a pumpkin with Brené Brown’s face

Reading This Present Darkness to all the neighborhood children

Filming a two hour YouTube documentary on how Folklore is about the Second Coming

A fashionable hat with a brim wide enough to protect your identity from government drones

Proving once and for all that Bigfoot exists and he is pro-cancel culture

Building your own fully functional Imagination Station

Teaching the Super Smash Bros. to talk through their differences and forgive each other

Singing “Shout to the Lord” at the local karaoke spot four times in a row in one visit

Writing a 45,000 word defense of Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit trilogy

Taking a fall vacation to the beach that makes you old

Emailing Sufjan Stevens a dropbox link for Massachusetts, your 18-song demo tape tribute to the Bay State

Handing out Chick tracts instead of candy at Halloween

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SCORE

1 -7: Fall season? More like fail season. Try a few more Christian Girl Autumn activities and then come back for another whirl.

See Also

8 – 15: The temperature is cooling, but you’re heating up.

16 – 20: You’re the greatest pumpkin of all.

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