The Time Has Come to Put Junior Asparagus in ‘Super Smash Bros’

The Veggie Tales co-creator Mike Nawrocki, who voices Larry the Cucumber, is apparently hard at work on a new series excellently titled The Dead Sea Squirrels. The premise of this show is that an archeologist unearths some squirrels who were frozen alive during the time of Christ and then come back to life Captain America-style, ready to recount their first-hand accounts of Jesus to the modern world. Won’t lie: that sounds great, but that’s not what we’re here to talk about. We’re here to talk about the Veggie Tales legacy and the obvious next step for updating these beloved characters for a changing world. It is time to put Junior Asparagus into Super Smash Bros.

Junior Asparagus, you’ll recall, is the breakout star of the Veggie Tales family, immortalized in unforgettable direct-to-video yarns like The Fib From Outer Space and The Rumor Weed. With a stylish and sensible baseball cap, Junior Asparagus hangs out with his fellow veggie-citizens in Veggieville (was the town ever actually named? Let’s just call it “Veggieville.”) [EDIT: Just remembered it’s “Bumblyburg.”] learning life lessons, singing fun songs and occasionally acting as the straight man to his more eccentric pals’ shenanigans.

Super Smash Bros. is Nintendo’s jokey fighting franchise that pits some of its most famous characters like Mario, Link and Pikachu against each other in cartoon-y brawls. Over time, the roster of characters has grown well beyond the usual Nintendo all-stars to deeper cuts from the franchise to give gamers some easter eggs, because there’s nothing a gamer loves more than an obscure reference to lord over the other gamers.

These two franchises have very little in common although, for all we know, they could be owned by the same mega-conglomerate somewhere up the corporate flagpole. But that hasn’t stopped, say, WandaVision from dropping in Dick Van Dyke references and there’s no reason it should stop what obviously must happen here. Junior Asparagus needs to be a playable character on Super Smash Bros. It’s the right thing to do for at least three reasons.

The Super Smash Bros. characters need a positive influence

The world of Super Smash Bros. is a cutthroat world of violence, betrayal and comically large hammers. Otherwise kind, peace-loving characters like Princess Peach and Yoshi are driven to their basest urges, competing for meaningless status. Junior Asparagus, for all his many eccentricities, could introduce the positive, biblical worldview that made him and his friends beloved across the globe, improving the lives of the entire Smash Bros. roster and the playing experience in general. Some might argue that Junior Asparagus is too young for such a role, but the Apostle Paul teaches us to not look down on anyone because of their youth, and that goes for Junior Asparagus’ role in Super Smash Bros. as well.

Junior Asparagus needs a second career arc

While Veggie Tales‘ adventures are continuing to delight fans, it has been too long since the Junior Asparagus hive has had the chance to see their hero in the spotlight, and what better way to freshen up his image than introducing him to the lucrative and popular world of Smash Bros? Junior Asparagus would fit right in with Nintendo’s cast of characters and over time could be easily integrated into other Nintendo franchises like Mario Kart and Mario Party. 

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Junior Asparagus is the best Veggie Tales character for the job

Some might argue that Larry Boy, a bonafide superhero, is a better fit for Super Smash Bros, but these people don’t know what they’re talking about. What is Larry Boy going to do on Smash Bros? Plunge them off the platform? Virtually every Larry Boy adventure we saw ended with getting humiliated and everyone else having to clean up his messes. The only thing Larry Boy had going for him was a catchy song.

Junior Asparagus, on the other hand, demonstrates the bright, resourceful attitude that makes a Smash Bros. character shine. His youth would give him an advantage over many of the older characters in the game. Also, Junior Asparagus was once David in a Veggie-fied adaptation of the Bible’s David and Goliath story, and proved proficient with a slingshot. That is just one of many possible moves Junior could bring to the Smash Bros-verse.

As you can see, the point is sound. The people want it. Lisa Vischer, who provides the voice of Junior Asparagus, is on board. For the good of Veggie Tales, the betterment of Super Smash Bros. and the wellbeing of us all, Junior Asparagus should be in Super Smash Bros. 

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