Science Has Officially Determined that Mozzarella Is the Best Kind of Pizza Cheese

Scientists at the University of Auckland have finally done the world-altering research humanity has long demanded: Their new study, epically titled, “Qualification of Pizza Baking Properties of Difference Cheese and Their Correlation with Cheese Functionality,” has definitively determined that mozzarella is the best kind of cheese used for making pizza. For their research, which was published in the Journal of Food Science, the food scientists watched as pizzas cooked with a variety of cheeses via “cameras and special software” to analyze and measure things like blistering, browning, elasticity and water density. Who cares about trivial factors like taste and deliciousness when science can just examine some formulas to tell us what kind of cheese taste best? …

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