Let the Wrath of Heaven Pour Out Upon the ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ Trailer

The first trailer for the live-action Sonic the Hedgehog movie is here. The movie, based on the popular 90s video game character, is scheduled to come out in November, which gives it plenty of time to succumb to the brand of divine wrath reserved for the unholiest of dark objects.

Here’s the trailer. Hold onto your cross necklace if you have one.

Where do you even start? Is it Sonic’s appalling design? Is it the way his character’s animation is so rough it feels like he floats through every scene he’s in? Is it the great Jim Carrey sleepwalking through Jim Carrey stuff? Is it the under-appreciated James Marsden doing his best to elevate the weak-sauce jokes here (admittedly, the trailer’s final child-in-a-bag line is solid)? Is it the upteenth “so fast time looks like it’s stopped” super-speed gimmick?

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This trailer is a disaster. Maybe the movie won’t be, but wow, it’s hard to imagine something looking worse. Our only hope for video game movies is the valiant Detective Pikachu, which will be here to rescue us in just under two weeks. Hurry, Pikachu. Sonic is coming, and he’s faster than we want.

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