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Justin Bieber Was the Target of a Foiled Assassination/Castration Plot

The headline pretty much tells you all you need to know about this story, but for those of you who just can’t help yourselves, hang on: You’re in for a wild ride. A convicted murderer by the name of Dana Martin recruited his fellow inmate, Mark Aaron Staake, to kidnap and kill Justin Bieber at his Madison Square Garden show. Staake recruited his young nephew, Tanner Ruane, to assist with the plot, and the three set about putting together 2012’s top candidate for “Most Perfect Crime.” Fortunately for Bieber and the world at large, Martin’s conscience started bothering him, and he told police about the whole plan and was promptly arrested, along with Staake. Ruana was left alone, initially, but was brought into the big house when overheard talking about how sad he was that he wouldn’t be able to go through with the plan. The motive for the plan wasn’t totally clear. Martin has a Justin Bieber tattoo on his leg, so it could be that he’s just a terrifying lunatic who’s better off in jail, not attempting to kill global teenage superstars. Growing up is tough enough without people actively plotting your death …

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