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Do Not Settle For Today’s Hoverboard Annoucement

Today, you will see ecstatic posts from friends and family, welcoming the new Golden Age of the Hoverboard as was first foretold to us in Back to the Future II. They will spin tales of Arx Pax, a small company from Los Gatos, California, which has invented, in the words of The Guardian, “the real thing.” True enough, Arx Pax has created a board that does hover, but do not be misled. Do not be satiated. This is not the hoverboard we were promised. We deserve better. The world deservers better.

This board operates like a magnet, hovering only off of certain surfaces like copper or aluminum—and then, only for about fifteen minutes at a time. It has its uses—like moving heavy machinery around copper-floored warehouses. But you can’t ride it down to the supermarket. You can’t ride it while holding onto the back of the back of a pickup truck. You can’t really ride it at all unless you happen to have a bunch of metal sheets lying around. You can, however, get one for $10,000 and the extra whatever it’ll take to coat your neighborhood in aluminum. Do not let inventors get away with checking this box off their list and continuing on to other futuristic wonders. Demand something better. Demand a real hoverboard …

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