Centuries ago, Johannes Gutenberg could have only imagined the vast customizable possibilities that his movable type printing press would eventually allow in the world of Bible publishing.
He probably wouldn’t have guessed that one day, readers would have access to a vast array of oddly specific choices when it comes to their Bible-reading preferences. From New Testaments designed for various, seemingly random professions to Bibles marketed to every individual member of the family, with options for different marital statuses and levels of extremeness, the possibilities are seemingly endless.
Thankfully, we’re here to rank them.
Bonus! It technically doubles as a textbook for Bible class.
It’s the perfect accompaniment to your collection of Duck Dynasty merchandise, including Duck Dynasty “Chia Willies,” Duck Dynasty bobble heads, Duck Dynasty family Christmas albums, Duck Dynasty beach towels, Duck Dynasty running shoes and so much more.
This one just makes sense.
Finally, a way to read your morning devotional while also enjoying an inner tube ride down a lazy river.
God bless America.
Sorry, if you happen to be a mother who doesn’t currently have a full schedule, then this Bible probably just isn’t for you.
Yes, it’s an NIV EMS Bible.
Only for teens who are extreme enough.
You have the right to remain silent … because someone is trying to read here.
10. Bride’s Bible & Groom’s Bible
To be disregarded immediately after the wedding in favor of a different custom Bible that is still applicable.
For all those times you are reading about God while trying not to be seen by one of His creatures you are attempting to kill.
For individuals with a very singular focus.
Obviously, it’s a King James translation.
Sure, why not?
This may or may not have a treasure map hidden somewhere within its pages.
For those He doesn’t always leadeth beside the still waters.
Editor’s Note: This is the latest in a running series of extremely official “Definitive Rankings” lists. Other entries include “Insanely Awesome Christian Album Covers,” “Dope Televangelist Suits,” “Christian Parody Music Videos,” “Christian Superheroes,” “Christian T-Shirts,” “Super Expensive Worship Instruments,” “Hollywood Jesuses,” “Bands From Christian Pop Punk’s Glory Days” and “Religious NCAA Mascots.” Once again, these are very official and are NOT subject to debate.
Jesse Carey is a mainstay on the weekly RELEVANT Podcast and member of RELEVANT's executive board. He lives in Virginia Beach with his wife and two kids.