Centuries ago, Johannes Gutenberg could have only imagined the vast customizable possibilities that his movable type printing press would eventually allow in the world of Bible publishing.
He probably wouldn’t have guessed that one day, readers would have access to a vast array of oddly specific choices when it comes to their Bible-reading preferences. From New Testaments designed for various, seemingly random professions to Bibles marketed to every individual member of the family, with options for different marital statuses and levels of extremeness, the possibilities are seemingly endless.
Thankfully, we’re here to rank them.
1. Homeschool Mom’s Bible: Daily Personal Encouragement
Bonus! It technically doubles as a textbook for Bible class.
2. Duck Commander Faith and Family Bible
It’s the perfect accompaniment to your collection of Duck Dynasty merchandise, including Duck Dynasty “Chia Willies,” Duck Dynasty bobble heads, Duck Dynasty family Christmas albums, Duck Dynasty beach towels, Duck Dynasty running shoes and so much more.
3. Play to Win Hockey New Testament
This one just makes sense.
4. Waterproof Bible
Finally, a way to read your morning devotional while also enjoying an inner tube ride down a lazy river.
5. American Patriot’s Bible
God bless America.
6. Busy Mom’s Bible
Sorry, if you happen to be a mother who doesn’t currently have a full schedule, then this Bible probably just isn’t for you.
7. Emergency Medical Services Bible
Yes, it’s an NIV EMS Bible.
8. Extreme Teen Study Bible
Only for teens who are extreme enough.
9. Law Enforcement Officer’s Bible
You have the right to remain silent … because someone is trying to read here.
10. Bride’s Bible & Groom’s Bible
To be disregarded immediately after the wedding in favor of a different custom Bible that is still applicable.
11. Outdoorsman Bible – Woods Print Camouflage
For all those times you are reading about God while trying not to be seen by one of His creatures you are attempting to kill.
12. Every Man’s Bible
Sorry ladies.
13. True Love Waits Bible
For individuals with a very singular focus.
14. Baby’s First Bible
Obviously, it’s a King James translation.
15. The Berenstain Bears Holy Bible
Sure, why not?
16. The Masonic Bible
This may or may not have a treasure map hidden somewhere within its pages.
17. Coastguardsman’s Bible
For those He doesn’t always leadeth beside the still waters.
Editor’s Note: This is the latest in a running series of extremely official “Definitive Rankings” lists. Other entries include “Insanely Awesome Christian Album Covers,” “Dope Televangelist Suits,” “Christian Parody Music Videos,” “Christian Superheroes,” “Christian T-Shirts,” “Super Expensive Worship Instruments,” “Hollywood Jesuses,” “Bands From Christian Pop Punk’s Glory Days” and “Religious NCAA Mascots.” Once again, these are very official and are NOT subject to debate.
