Sharing your faith isn’t always easy. Finding those opportunities to strike up a thought-provoking conversation about eternal truths can, at times, be challenging in day-to-day life. Thankfully, bumper stickers offer Christian drivers the chance to show all nearby motorists that they’re serious about Jesus and pithy phrases stuck with adhesive to the back of their vehicles.
Sometimes passive-aggressive, sometimes witty, sometimes as blunt as the bumper they’re stuck to, Christian bumper stickers are always entertaining. The only question is, with limited real estate on your own bumper, which sticker do you go with? It’s a nearly impossible decision. Thankfully, we’re here to help.
Here are 16 Christian bumper stickers ranked—definitively.
1. Passive Aggressive, in a Loving Way
The message: Satan always gives second chances.
2. Too Close for Comfort
Pump the brakes, heathen.
3. Vote for Jesus
Don’t blame me, I voted for Jesus.
4. A Jewish Carpenter
A true classic of the Christian bumper sticker genre. It works for Christians, and actual employees of carpentry businesses that happen to have Jewish owners.
5. Treasures in Heaven
God eternally rewards both humility and driving jalopies.
6. Rapture Ready
Sure all the locusts, earthquakes and oceans of blood will be a real bummer during the tribulation, but at least there’ll be a lot of free cars up for grabs.
7. No Peace
Unfortunately, if you read this in the wrong tone of voice, it almost sounds like a threat.
8. KJV 4EVA
The best way to let people in the grocery store parking lot know of your modern Bible translations preferences (because they are dying to know).
9. KJV 2
It only make sense to put this on a bumper sticker.
10. The Discussion Ender
12. Your Honor, Exhibit A
It depends. Are bumper stickers admissible in this hypothetical trial?
13. Turn from Your Wicked Ways
They will know us by our love, and how we merge into on-coming traffic.
14. Jesus Take the Wheel
Um, good job?
Seriously though, don’t text drive (reading small bumper stickers on passing vehicles is fine though).
16. “Don’t Quote Me on That.” – God
OK, so maybe God didn’t actually say this, but how hilarious would it have been if He did, right? (Most theologians agree that it’s cool if we just make up things God says for billboards and bumper stickers as long as it involves clever word play.)
Jesse Carey is a mainstay on the weekly RELEVANT Podcast and member of RELEVANT's executive board. He lives in Virginia Beach with his wife and two kids.