A Dark Day: Chuck Norris Shaves His Beard

Today is a dark day. Look at your watches. Mark your calendars. Remember where you were standing the moment you heard that the world lost one of its great heroes. Today we learned that Chuck Norris’s beard is gone, and along with it, all of his superhuman powers. Maybe his beardless face is just a clever disguise. Maybe the beard-shaving is part of an elaborate plan to lure a super-villain out of his secret lair. We can only hope that all of our worst fears are not confirmed, and that Chuck Norris has abandoned his beard (the long-rumored source of his injustice-pummeling powers) forever. The world needs you, Chuck Norris’s beard. Don’t give up on us now …

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