Cap’n Crunch Sails on a Cereal Bowl of Lies [Updated]

Food-lover blog Foodbeast has shaken the breakfast cereal industry to its very core with their tell-all revelation regarding Cap’n Crunch. After years of posing as a high-ranking captain in the breakfast cereal industry, Foodbeast uncovered the sickening truth that this seemingly jovial, innocent “captain” is a scheming impostor, as evidenced by the number of stripes on his sleeve. Unless the costume is lying, this fraud is merely a commander. As of press, there has been no statement from Quaker Oats regarding this controversy. Stay tuned …

[Update] Cap’n Crunch reached out to us regarding this matter. We at RELEVANT are no rumormongers, and will take the good Captain at his word.

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