The Anatomy of a Remake

This summer, Hollywood is taking a vacation
from the original storyline and embracing
the art of the remake. From ‘80s odes to bigscreen
adaptations, studios are attempting to
reimagine the classics (and not-so-classics).
Here are the proven formulas for making a hit
movie the second (or third) time around.
Blow more stuff up. We pity the fool who
can’t afford more pyro. Face it: The A-Team
was pretty great, Nightmare on Elm Street
was sufficiently terrifying and that alien from
Predators has invaded before. So unless
you’ve got 10 times the gore and pyro, your
remake is going the way of Mr. T.
Make it “gritty” and “raw.” How does one
amp up the appeal of an iconic tale like Robin
Hood? Throw some dirt and glass in there,
stomp it around in the mud, shout at your
band of marauders and you’ve got a realistic
Ridley Scott remake.
Get spooky. Taking a tip from Guy
Ritchie’s brilliant Sherlock Holmes remake,
The Last Airbender (based on a Nickelodeon
program) is throwing in plenty of doses of
the supernatural, in hopes that M. Night
Shyamalan won’t be this movie’s only enemy.
Hire a Smith. Will Smith’s son Jaden stars
in the new The Karate Kid, and his daughter,
Willow, appeared in I Am Legend (a remake
of The Last Man on Earth). Basically, the star
is breeding a troop of blockbuster stars your
re-creation is incomplete without.
Add a new monster. (Or Liam Neeson.)
Clash of the Titans was a remake of mythical
proportions before it added the Kraken.
Naturally, Neeson’s Zeus is triumphant. (The
actor also stars in the big-screen adaptation of
The A-Team. Our guess is, they win.)
When all else fails, make it in 3D. If your
movie is no good, it can at least look cool. Plus,
you’ll make an extra $3 or so off each ticket.
Piranha 3D, for the win!

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