Amazing: Britney Spears Music Wards Off Pirates

If you’re setting sail for troubled waters and you fear attacks by rogue bands of miscreant scallywags, then you’d best make sure you’ve set sail with the right weapons. No, not cutlasses or muskets. No, not ancient spells to charm and subdue the dreaded Kraken. Be realistic. You’ve got to start blasting Britney Spears, and you’ve got to blast it loud. From the Daily Mirror:

The US star’s hits are being blasted at the approaching Somali raiders – because they can’t stand her music. Chart-toppers “Baby One More Time” and “Oops! I Did It Again” are the most effective in the war against the Kalashnikov carrying bandits…Second Officer Rachel from Aberfoyle in Scotland said: “Her songs have been chosen by the security team accompanying our tankers because they thought the pirates would hate them most. “These guys can’t stand Western culture or music, making Britney’s hits perfect….They’re so effective the ship’s security rarely needs to resort to firing guns – as soon as the pirates get a blast of Britney they move on as quickly as they can.”

A cruel tactic, but the sea is a law unto itself. However, Steven Jones—of the Security Association for the Maritime Industry—made it clear that, even in war, there are limits. “I’d imagine using Justin Bieber would be against the Geneva Convention,” he told reporters. Yo ho ho …

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