Voters are faced with some tough choices this political season. After all, our vote could literally determine the future of the free world.
Sure, you could spend your time researching actual issues and how “real” candidates would institute policies to deal with them, or you could take part in a much more entertaining, hypothetical, completely pointless exercise: Choosing which fictional president you’d vote for instead.
We present the most loaded ballot of all time:
David Palmer (24)
Are you in good hands? Not only was this 24 president willing to make the tough calls when it came to urgent matters of national security, he also had a loyal BFF out in the field willing to do literally whatever it takes to root out the bad guys.
President Thomas J. Whitmore (Independence Day)
No argument for Bill Pullman’s president needs to made other than this speech from Independence Day. If you don’t still get chills, you may want to check your pulse.
Leslie Knope (Parks and Recreation)
OK, Leslie Knope was never actually president of the United States on Parks and Rec, but if you watched the show, then you know that with her mix of charisma, charm and ambition (as well as politic’s greatest campaign team), it would only be a matter of time. Plus, we already know who her running mate would be.
Jed Bartlet (The West Wing)
Jed Barlet has everything you’d want in a leader: He was articulate, scholarly, religious, kind and had fantastic hair.
Selina Meyer (Veep)
Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ Selina Meyer (along with assistant Tony Hale) would give D.C. the cold dose of goofy irreverence it needs. Plus, it’d be hilarious.
James Sawyer (White House Down)
White House Down was a pretty forgettable action thriller starring Jamie Foxx as President James Sawyer, who along with Channing Tatum, averts World War III by beating up a bunch of terrorist. Yes, it’s basically a Die Hard knock off, but if any candidate had half the swag (and taste in shoes) that Foxx does, then it’d basically be impossible not to vote for them.
Allison Taylor (24)
Sure, Allison Taylor wasn’t exactly the most memorable president, but she was a straight shooter who valued national security, justice and real-time adventure. She’s not putting up with any political nonsense.
Joe Buaers (Idiocracy)
Joe used common sense and base-line intelligence to solve the problems facing futuristic America. In other words, he’s just the kind of leader we need in office.
James Marshall (Air Force One)
Harrison Ford’s James Marshall singlehandedly stopped a group of highly trained Russia militants from hijacking Air Force One. You think he’s going to put up with sass at primary debate?
Gerald Fitzhugh (Left Behind: World at War)
The fact that President Gerald Fitzhugh was left behind in the first place is obviously problematic, but considering he attempted to assassinate the anti-Christ multiple times, he seems like a pretty good dude. Anyone who challenges the anti-Christ to a gunfight gets our vote.
Laura Roslin (Battlestar Galactica)
If she can protect the 12 Colonies from Cylon attacks, we think she could figure out how to balance a budget.
Mayor Quimby (The Simpsons)
Mayor Quimby is both corrupt and inept, but at least he does very little hide either of these two things.
Jesse Carey is a mainstay on the weekly RELEVANT Podcast and member of RELEVANT's executive board. He lives in Virginia Beach with his wife and two kids.