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Since the demand for noodle makers in China is outpacing the supply, a woefully short-sighted entrepreneur has started selling his noodle-slicing robots. They cost a fraction of the price of a human chef and, according to one of those human chefs, can slice noodles quicker and better than their human counterparts. And nobody is questioning the wisdom of training an army of robots to wield knives better than people can. So it begins ... Discuss

"A 17.5-foot snake could eat anything it wants." That charming quote comes to us courtesy of Kenneth Krysko, the manager of the Florida Museum of Natural History's herpetology collection, on account of the new Florida state record holder for longest Burmese Python. The monster was caught in Everglades with 87 eggs in its stomach (Burmese python babies have a high survival rate, in case you were wondering) and taken to the museum to be studied by scientists. "This thing is monstrous, it's about a foot wide," Kryko goes on to say. "It means these snakes are surviving a long time in the wild, there's nothing stopping them." If Kryko ever feels like getting out of the museum business, he has a future in saying terrifying things ... Discuss

Music festivals are notorious for dirtbag attendees who shove you to get to the front row of the concert, steal your parking spot and are generally just unpleasant to be around. But this guy, Conrad Slimak, has just put himself in the running for King of all Garbage Bags for his Lollapalooza shenanigans. According to police, Michelle Fiore was walking her 11-year-old daughter, who had just won a Lollapalooza-branded beach ball, through the park when Conrad Slimak (Conrad Slimak. It's like his parents knew) and three friends, all wearing Lolla's three-day passes, approached them and asked the girl for her beach ball. Fiore joked that it would "cost $50," which caused Slimak to go into full-on raging monster mode, saying, "I'm a college student. Does it look like I have money?" (well, yes, you have a three-day pass to Lollapalooza, so you do look like you have money, but anyway) at which point he punched the 11-year-old child in the stomach forcing her to drop her beach ball and running off with it. Fortunately, the cops were able to take Slimak off to jail to book him for battery and assault and forever brand him as the man who assaulted a child for a ball. Hope that beach ball was worth it, dude ... Discuss

Todd Bentley, a Canadian pastor currently based in the U.S, heals people by kicking them, claiming his violence will cure them of diseases. He claims to have cured a man of cancer by punching him in the chest. He shoved/healed a congregant so hard that the man lost a tooth. One Youtube video features him saying, "And I’m thinking why is the power of God not moving? And He said, “Because you haven’t kicked that woman in the face.” So, he did and, "I inched closer and I went bam! And just as my boot made contact with her nose, she fell under the power of God." (Seems like there might have been a few factors involved in what made her fall there, but anyway.) He's now looking to take his healing abilities to the U.K., but has met some opposition from the MP, who are concerned about having a man show up who feels that God has called him to go around kicking sick people. Labour MP for Croydon North Malcolm Wicks the Home Secretary that, "His visit can do nothing but harm, and I would be grateful for any measures you can take" ... Discuss

Researchers at MIT have been busy putting together models of how airports will factor into the spread of a disease pandemic. The idea goes that, no matter how the movies show it, the big threat in any viral outbreak would not be grocery stores and bathroom sinks, but international flights that could potentially turn any commercial aircraft into an unintentional biological weapon. The MIT video below is wonderful for people who love terrifying videos of viral apocalypse. And if you don't have time for a video, don't worry. The picture ought to convey just how fast the Walking Dead would get their wings ...

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After a tough break-up, it's important to do things that make you happy. It's all part of carving out your new identity for yourself, rediscovering who you are as a single person and creating new memories that are independent from some of the painful, rose-tinged ones of you and your ex. So you might want to learn how to play a new instrument. Or, perhaps, take up judo or yoga. Or, maybe, you'll do what this New Zealand man did and build a secret bunker in the house of your ex—complete with food, trap doors and peep holes. The important thing is that you're doing things that help you cope and move on. Nobody can judge how you choose to do that. Except for maybe that last one about building the bunker, in which case a judge will sentence you to jail ... Discuss