Music festivals are notorious for dirtbag attendees who shove you to get to the front row of the concert, steal your parking spot and are generally just unpleasant to be around. But this guy, Conrad Slimak, has just put himself in the running for King of all Garbage Bags for his Lollapalooza shenanigans. According to police, Michelle Fiore was walking her 11-year-old daughter, who had just won a Lollapalooza-branded beach ball, through the park when Conrad Slimak (Conrad Slimak. It's like his parents knew) and three friends, all wearing Lolla's three-day passes, approached them and asked the girl for her beach ball. Fiore joked that it would "cost $50," which caused Slimak to go into full-on raging monster mode, saying, "I'm a college student. Does it look like I have money?" (well, yes, you have a three-day pass to Lollapalooza, so you do look like you have money, but anyway) at which point he punched the 11-year-old child in the stomach forcing her to drop her beach ball and running off with it. Fortunately, the cops were able to take Slimak off to jail to book him for battery and assault and forever brand him as the man who assaulted a child for a ball. Hope that beach ball was worth it, dude ... Discuss

NASA's rover "Curiosity" touched down on Mars early Monday morning, marking a historic triumph for space exploration and engineering. After surviving a wildly complex landing process that uses something called a "sky crane" and a "solar parachute," the Curiosity touched down and began transmitting back images and data to scientists at NASA, while their engineers high-fived, hugged and wept. President Barack Obama congratulated NASA in a statement, saying "The successful landing of Curiosity—the most sophisticated roving laboratory ever to land on another planet—marks an unprecedented feat of technology that will stand as a point of national pride far into the future." Curiosity's first messages back to earth were pictures of it casting its own shadow on the Red Planet and, reportedly, a "We miss you!" from Lady Gaga's family ... Discuss

Dr. William Bell, the world record holder for his age group's pole valting, has a little lesson to teach us all about what is and isn't possible ...

Miranda Bowman was getting a ride home from her grandfather in his pickup truck when he suddenly suffered a fatal heart attack. Well, let's back up. First, he started complaining of chest pains and dizziness, and Miranda kept him engaged in driving by asking him to name the things he was seeing as he drove down the road while she tried (and failed) to get service on her cellphone, which is just the first sign that this 12-year-old is made of stone cold sugar and spice. When her grandfather suddenly and tragically died in the pickup with his foot jerking down harder on the accelerator, Miranda unbuckled her seatbelt, jumped under the driver seat and pressed on the break with her hands. But when she realized the car was hurtling too fast and would fishtail or potentially flip over on the highway, she steered it towards a cluster of trees on the side of the road, thinking that by steering the car into them, "I can't hurt anybody else, I can only hurt myself." To recap, a child who had just suffered a sad and horrifying loss of a family member had commandeered a pickup and was thinking of how to best protect the other people on the road instead of her own. The car ran into the trees, where she kicked the door open, freed herself, and ran back up to the highway where other cars had already alerted emergency crews. "I'm very amazed by her, very impressed by her," Miranda's mother, Stephanie Bowman said. "Where she got it from God only knows." Miranda says she got it from watching a lot of Law and Order, so maybe it's time the rest of us started catching up on that show ... Discuss

In 1957, when everyone was freaking out about atomic bombs and just being very unreasonable about the possible health risks of nuclear radiation (ah, 1957. We were so innocent.) five scientists decided to shut down the haters by standing directly under an exploding nuclear bomb. Yes. We know. Five normal human beings just stood there while a 2-kiloton nuclear bomb went off 18,500 feet over their heads. And yes, there's a video you can watch, just as soon as you finish putting your head back on your shoulders. Warning: the video is basically a nuclear bomb for your mind ...