What Women Want in a Godly Man

5 traits that reveal true marriage material.

Editor's Note: This is the first in a two part series of what people are looking for godly marriage material. Click here to read "What Men Want in a Godly Woman."

I saw an ad this weekend that read:

“Men, let’s be real men.”

The ad proceeded to promote a new testosterone pill. If consumed, this pill promised to boost manliness—increased sex drive, muscles and masculinity.

The most frightening thing about this ad is that it speaks some truth—in the sense that our society has managed to reduce manhood to sex drive and muscles.

I don’t know about you, but that is so ridiculously far from my definition of masculinity. The truth is, women are looking for so much more in a man than strong muscles and libido. Far more than cars, athletic ability and all the other meaningless things our society uses to define manhood, there are some things that actually define the measure of a man.

So men, go ahead and ditch the weights, the hot rods and the testosterone pills, because if you’re really trying to catch a fine woman here’s what she’s looking for:

Women are looking for so much more in a man than strong muscles and libido.

Honesty

More than any other trait, women are looking for a man who is open and honest. The thing about honesty is that it’s a sign of security. What you see is what you get, and there is absolutely nothing to hide.

Men, it’s time to stop pretending and start being real—real with your strengths, your weaknesses, your struggles. Real with your hopes, your dreams and your fears. Real with who you actually are; not who you want to be. A man who has nothing to hide becomes the safe place in which a woman can hide her heart. Now that’s straight-up manly.

Purity

We live in a society that has fooled us into thinking that women have no control over their emotions and men have no control over their eyes. I’m a firm believer that this is a lie straight from the pit of hell. It sickens me to interact with women who expect their men to fall prey to lust, cheating and adultery, as if that’s just part of being a man.

There is no doubt that we live in a world full of sexual temptation and struggles, but it is also true that we serve a God who gives us victory over our entire being—our minds, hearts and bodies. True masculinity comes when a man has enough honor and respect for the woman in his life to say no to temptations. True masculinity comes from a man who knows his weaknesses, but sets himself up to succeed. True masculinity is found in a man who says no to the expectations of this world and lives for a higher calling.

Strength

There is nothing better than a man who exudes strength. Not the muscle-rippling kind of strength, but strength of mind, heart and spirit. A strength that comes from a man who knows what he believes and stands firm for what’s right. A strength in recognizing right from wrong and confessing when he has given into the latter. A strength that is confident enough to do right, choose right and be right.

In this day of compromise, women are looking for a man who is strong enough to stand his ground and hold on to his values, his beliefs and, most importantly, his God.

Compassion

You can always recognize a real man by taking a look at his heart. Does his heart move for the things that move God’s heart? Is he broken by the pain in his life? Is he moved by the sins he’s working to overcome? Is he affected when things are not as they should be in life, in situations, in relationships?

A real man is one who allows his heart to be moved and then allows his actions to follow his heart. A man who strives for healing, restoration and resolution. A man who strives to right the wrongs around him—and the wrongs within him. Women are looking for men of compassion, tenderness and love because therein we will always find the heart of Jesus.

Women are looking for men of compassion, tenderness and love because therein we will always find the heart of Jesus.

Humility

What raises a man up more than any other earthly thing is his ability to humble himself. A real man doesn’t need to talk up who he is, because his life does that for him. He can put away the talk, because a man of humility is focused so much more on his walk. He is quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry because he has put away his “rights” for the right to be selfless, loving and full of grace.

The greatest example of humility is found in the manliest man: Jesus. A man who laid down his rights and made Himself nothing in order to be an example of undying love and affection to the bride who won His heart. Real men seek to do the same.

This is exactly the kind of man who I allowed to win my heart. While I can safely say that he’s nowhere near perfect, he is a man who strives to uphold honesty, purity, strength, compassion and humility in his life and in our marriage.

Women, it’s time to expect more from men, and then, to wait patiently until you see these qualities at work in his life. Don’t you dare settle for less.

Men, it’s time to say no to the lies that are being poured into your brains. You are worth far more than that. Your masculinity is defined by so much more than you think—and that is what is truly attractive in our eyes.

May God continue to work in the lives of our men, that by His grace they would strive to carry the traits that reflect nothing less than the heart of Jesus.

Now that, my friends, is what I call a manly man.

80 Comments

Shaun Kahler

1

Shaun Kahler commented…

This is awesome!!! As a guy, I could not agree more! I think it helps to have the other side of the equation as well, cause we as guys sure do have a lot of pressure on us. But I simply could not agree with this any more - these are epic definitions of masculinity in its finest, and I believe that these are truly the characteristics we should strive for as men. So we are all on the same page!

Glenda

27

Glenda commented…

This is a relevant, very well intentioned article, filled with valuable points, but I have two observations:

1- As Mitchell mentioned, confidence, substantiated or superficial, in both men and women is important in attraction, it is a fact. You can research it. The values mentioned by the article can help build that confidence, but they are not the only thing that can, and they can result from substantiated confidence.

2- When the average man measures himself against this list he comes out feeling inadequate. I feel for men, they have been hit hard by sin and some misguides social movements (misandry, sexual revolution, gender sameness). We need to be clear and firm, but merciful and loving and not condescending and preachy, when speaking to their worth as men.

To the men who are bitter, skeptical, disillusioned: examine yourselves, forgive yourselves and the women who have hurt you, be intentional in improving yourselves spiritually, mentally, physically, materially, don't be fooled by superficial confidence but pay attention and look deeper.

To the women who are bitter, skeptical and disillusioned: seek to understand men and their current struggles, do not allow misandry into your lives, be loving and merciful, don't be fooled by superficial confidence but pay attention and look deeper.

I believe that if godly women and godly men each do our part to mend the gap, we can meet half way and we can build better relationships that honor God and benefit the kingdom.

Tim Herndon

49

Tim Herndon replied to Glenda's comment

I agree that confidence in Christ is important as an attribute. I can tell your response was written with wisdom and love. Thank you.

Tim Herndon

49

Tim Herndon commented…

beautiful, thank you. My church in Portland (Solid Rock) did a series (Loveology) that me and my gf (now wife) went over again and again together. And it basically outlined theses things in that these things reflect the heart of Jesus toward his bride. I think you nailed it. I think most if not all of the responses I read that were negative were based on people's own experience or biases from a place of pain, disallusionment, or frustration. In the heart of every Jesus-loving woman there must lie attributes that reflect God's character for what they are looking for in a man (and vice versa in the heart of guys), but what other example do we have in all of history for humanity to emulate other than the character of Christ? :) Thanks for sharing this. It's encouraging, and convicting.

jpalm

26

jpalm commented…

So is this the most popular article on Relevant? :)

Lester Blent

1

Lester Blent commented…

A question for the godly women out there. What characteristics do you look for in a godly man to marry? I want to be prepared.

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