Marry Someone Who Loves God More Than They Love You

Individual relationships with God must trump our other relationships.

I have a secret I’d like to share with you: My husband loves someone else more than he loves me.

To the outside listener, that might sound totally strange and maybe even completely inappropriate. You might think we’re having marital problems or settling for a mediocre relationship.

But for us, that thought makes complete sense in light of our personal relationships with God, through Jesus Christ.

My husband John loves God even more than he loves me. And I love God even more than I love my husband. It’s always been that way. And my prayer is that it always will be.

Our individual relationships with God trump our relationship with one another. And in my sincere opinion, that is the very truth that keeps our marriage alive, strong and complete.

Our relationship with God is the supernatural relationship that pours into us so we can pour into each other.

You see, for as many great days we have in marriage, there are also days when we simply don’t feel so great—days when each of us don’t feel like loving or giving or forgiving. We feel hurt. We feel selfish. We may even feel that we’ve been wronged.

In our humanity, we want to run, we want to hide, we want to get revenge. But in those moments, something greater takes over.

Because those are the very days when our relationship with God becomes the anchor for our love, holding us in place. Our relationship with God is the supernatural relationship that pours into us so we can pour into each other.

As Christians, we believe that when we enter into relationship with God, we’re filled with His Spirit. It’s that Spirit that breeds in us the qualities we need for a healthy life, and in turn, a healthy marriage.

According to the bible, the qualities of God’s spirit being poured out in a person’s life are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness and self-control. As a professional counselor, I can tell you that those are the exact qualities you need to have a thriving relationship.

Is that simply a coincidence? I say, no.

On the hard days, more than trusting my husband to love me like he should, I trust God’s Spirit at work in His life. I am thankful that he loves God more than he loves me, because it’s through that relationship with God that he’s learned to love me like he should.

And it’s in that relationship with God that I’ve learned to love him like I should.

Am I saying that a person outside of relationship with God can’t experience a healthy marriage? No. What I am saying is that outside of a relationship with God, you never get a glimpse of complete love. Because it’s only in God that complete love was created and experienced, and only in Him can it be given freely. He is the very definition of love. Outside of Him, we can only get a hazy glimpse.

Hands down, the best marriages I’ve witnessed in my life are the ones that are displaying this kind of love in their lives, fueled by their unwavering commitment and devotion to Jesus Christ. Because it’s a love that changes everything, slowly transforming both you and your spouse into the person God has called you to be.

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This is why I’m so adamant about the importance of marrying someone who loves God more than they love you, as much as I’m adamant about you becoming that kind of person in your own life.

So don’t just marry a so-called “good person,” or a self-proclaimed “Christian.” Marry a passionate, desperate, head-over-heels lover of God, because you’ll see the evidence of His Spirit in every part of their lives. 

And then watch that supernatural love transform your life, and in turn, your marriage.

This article was originally published on Used here with permission.

Top Comments

Danielle Wilson


Danielle Wilson commented…

Big fan of Debs and her writing, but sooooometimes I feel like her writings are a bit "pie in the sky."

YES, marry someone who loves Jesus. Yes, marry someone who doesn't just profess their faith verbally, but someone who lives a life characterized by the grace of Christ in their lives.

But, I think sometimes my generation uses romanticized wording like, "Marry a passionate, desperate, head-over-heels lover of God" to set standards that are, for lack of a better word, outlandish. My boyfriend is growing every day in his love for the Lord, and on the outside looking in you might not necessarily say, "MAN! That guy is head-over-heels, crazy-in-love with Jesus!"

But he does love the Lord. He's growing. He fights for purity in our relationship. He loves me and encourages me in my walk with Jesus. He prays for me. But it's a day-by-day process of struggling and growing.

Find someone who loves God, yes, but I would encourage you to be GRACIOUS in the process. Just because someone's faith isn't flamboyant or blatantly "passionate" doesn't mean they're not qualified for a Christ-honoring or healthy relationship.

That's my two cents. Lata' gatas'.



Matt commented…

I think to pit loving each other against loving God is a false dichotomy. 1 John 4 seems to suggest that those who love God will love others and that the way we know a person loves God is seen in the way that person loves others. If we don't love others, it's proof of a disconnect between us and God, who is love.

I don't want my wife to love God more than she loves me. If she loves me well, it is proof of a deep love for God. I see it as two sides of the same coin rather than two different coins, one of which having a greater value.


Eric Hoeksema


Eric Hoeksema commented…

Hi, My name is Stacey. My husband and I live and work in Ukraine and are frequently speaking to young people about this topic and others. Thank you for writing on this topic!!! I was wondering, would you give permission to have this article translated into Hungarian so that the young people we minister to could read it in their native tongue? Blessings. Stacey Hoeksema

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