10 Guys You Should Never Date

You can do better.

[Editor's Note: This article is part of a two-part series. Check out the other side of the equation with women you shouldn't date].

Just say no to bad dates. Or for that matter, bad relationships. Imagine how simple your love-life could be if you just agreed to that rule of thumb?

But sometimes it’s easier said than done, isn’t it? Sometimes, we miss the warning signs. Or worse yet, we just ignore them.

No matter who you are, how desperate you feel, how long you’ve been single or how badly you’re looking for a date, please do yourself a favor and avoid these 10 guys like the plague:

The Sort Of Spiritual Guy

This is the nice guy most girls would fall for. He lets you choose everything because he wants whatever makes you happy, even when it comes to your spiritual life. He may go to church on Sundays, have good morals and even say the right things. But deep down, he’s only sort of spiritual. His life has hints of Jesus (or so you tell yourself), instead of being defined by Jesus. Don’t just settle for a church-phrase literate man, look for a Jesus-loving man.

The Not That Into You Guy

I don’t know what it is about this guy, but let me warn you—he’s addicting. There’s just something about the unknown (“Does he like me, or not?”) that keeps you guessing and coming back for more. You can recognize him in that he knows how to talk the talk, but his actions never seem to follow suit. But the biggest problem with this kind of guy is that he’s using you for as long as you’ll stick around. So do yourself a favor and don’t stick around.

Don’t just settle for a church-phrase literate man, look for a Jesus-loving man.

The 'You'll Make a Great Sidekick' Guy

This guy has a strong vision for his future. A little too strong. When he looks at you, he sees a checkbox for his five-year plan, and it's not something you get much of a say in. Marriage is a prop to him, part of a carefully controlled image, and he expects this prop to just nod along with all of his decisions. He doesn't actually need you. You certainly don't need him. Look for a man who is marked by humility and selflessness, because only that kind of man can love you like you deserve to be loved.

The On Again and Off Again Guy

This guy will do anything to get you to stay on his roller-coaster ride of up and down emotions. One moment you’re “the one” and the next moment he’s confused, confined and non-committal. What you need to know about this guy is that this isn’t a “phase,” it’s a glimpse of the rest of your life. Talk about some serious nausea. Time to get off the rollercoaster—or better yet, never get on.

The Out of Sight, Out of Mind Guy

This guy is sweet, charming, flirtatious and basically everything you imagined him to be—while you’re around. But when you’re not around? Well, he’s that same sweet, charming and flirtatious guy with the next girl. For him, it’s not about commitment, it’s about the moment. That’s definitely not a guy you can trust.

The Keepin’ My Options Open Guy

He says he’s interested. He might even tell you he’s in love. But then why do you find yourself worried about who else he’s interacting with, and how he’s interacting with them? With the right guy there are no options, there are only relationships. And healthy relationships can only develop and progress when the focus is on one person at a time.

The Let’s Get Physical Guy

The thing that makes me crazy about this guy is that he’s so obvious, yet so charming. He makes you think that he’s really into you, when all the while his primary focus is on what he can get from you. But even with his obvious advances and fixation on the physical, you’ll find yourself making excuses, giving more and more of yourself. Recognize him quickly, and once you do, make a quick break. Don’t get stuck in the physical, because healthy relationships are built on so much more.

The I Don’t Wanna Grow Up Guy

Don’t get stuck in the physical, because healthy relationships are built on so much more.

This guy will make you feel more like his mom than his girlfriend. He’ll have you taking care of him before you even know what hit you. And you’ll like it at first, because it will make you feel important. But what you don’t realize is that a relationship with this guy is sure to be one-sided. So until he’s ready to put down the video games, pay his own bills and do his own laundry, it’s time to move on to bigger and “more mature” things. You deserve a partner, not someone who needs a parent. 

The Track Record Guy

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You know all about his history. In fact, this guy has quite a reputation with the ladies. So why on earth did you convince yourself that things would be different with you? This guy will leave you with a broken-heart—just like he left the string of girls before you. Yes, people can change—and no matter who you end up with, you'll have to give them grace for their past—but unless you've seen evidence of change in this guy's life, come to terms with the reality that you can’t change him with your love. Instead, find someone who you can love for who they are, not for what you hope them to be.

The White Lies Guy

A relationship built without honesty is really no relationship at all. I don’t care if he’s lying about his age, his past, his family or the color of his car—a lie, is a lie, is a lie. But most importantly, early on in a relationship, it’s a big red flag. This guy is marked by a pattern of dishonesty and little white lies, lies about things that might not even matter. But what matters is the habits that are being formed, and the facade that’s being maintained. A man who has nothing to hide becomes a safe place in which a woman can hide her heart. Look for that kind of a man.

This article was originally posted at truelovedates.com.

Top Comments

Justin West

1

Justin West commented…

I was all ten of these when I met my wife. I'm glad she didn't try to categorize me with an article like this. Instead, she saw something in me that I didn't and pointed me to becoming a man who loves Jesus and a man who loves her. Many of these guys that you stereotyped don't even realize that they are "undatable." Where is the grace in this article?

Ender Waters

1

Ender Waters commented…

Obvious clickbait is obvious.

39 Comments

Joshua Villoria

2

Joshua Villoria commented…

Dear Debra Fileta (from Relevant magazine)

Your 2 articles on 10 guys/girls you should never date is a travesty. Rather than promoting patience and grace in dating relationships you have portrayed every Christian man and woman as "undatable", using our total depravity as your foundation for reasoning. You have unknowingly glorified sin instead of giving grace. You have unknowingly given the OK for Christian men and women to gossip about each other, and point the finger, rather than lend a hand to one another. I understand you are trying to educate men and women, but to use the faults of our sinful nature as a basis for you educating readers, is simply...foolish. Please remember the grace that God gives you everyday

Sincerely your brother in Christ, Joshua

Todd Lazaro

2

Todd Lazaro commented…

A greater insight on these daunting lists and selfish mess-ups in relationships is that these are constantly thwarted by grace.

We need to give grace, and more grace, and more.

James Raymond Masters

3

James Raymond Masters commented…

Debra debra debra, between this article and the girls one... I mean you're right, these are flaws, but the way you communicated these things, the reader has no other option to come to the conclusion that nobody is datable! I believe your intentions are right, but you've got it all backwards when it comes to solutions. As a guy, if I end up miraculously finding a girl that doesn't seem to struggle with any of the 8 girl problems, chances are she's just really good at hiding them, (unless we've been given healthy communication tools and know how to work through these issues, and have), but if not, once we're married, they WILL surface... great, now I'm looking back to that one time I came across this article and thinking "Did I marry the wrong person?" ...that's a terrible road to go down. Same goes for a girl who read the 10 guy problems article. The truth is, I didn't marry the wrong person, I just found a little flaw that IS solvable. But the way these were written creates so many other problems as well... this encourages people to constantly be searching for flaws in their relationship out of fear of ending up with the wrong person, when really you have to go into a relationship expecting there to be flaws, and to learn how to encourage your partner in the right ways so they can get breakthrough from these things and work through these things together (or separately if necessary). It also encourages single people to be on the search for a partner with no problems at all, and that finding someone who has it all together is the key to having a healthy relationship. That's setting people up for relationship failure. And encouraging people to break up with them once they find one of these flaws will set the person into a cycle of going from person to person. Lastly, this also could make the reader who struggles with one or more of these think that this is WHO THEY ARE, which is the worst problem to have; lies about your identity. Using language like "types of guys" "types of girls" "the ____ guy" "the ____ girl" and giving the person a title makes them think that their struggle is who they are, and will make an insecure person more insecure and make them think they're not datable. ex: "hmm, I think I struggle with #4, I must be an on again off again type of person, does this mean I'm a bad person and girls shouldn't date me?"

Again, you're correct that these are all flaws, but It's much better to give solutions to people dealing with these things, and healthy communication tools to couples on how to work through these things when they inevitably do surface.

Donavan Hurst

3

Donavan Hurst replied to James Raymond Masters's comment

James,
I couldn’t disagree with you more. One major misconception in dating is the notion that the solution to dating/marital bliss is to find the perfect partner. This is just plain wrong (in my opinion of course). Instead of looking for the perfect partner (which is akin to finding a real-life unicorn) , one should become spiritually, emotionally and physically fit (financially fit wouldn’t hurt either) .
If you are mess, guess what you will attract a mess into your life. Healthy people sometimes attract unhealthy people into their lives, but at least healthy people can see the unhealthy ones a mile away. My church did a great series on dating a while back and they said ask yourself this question, “I am I the type of person, that person I am looking for is looking for?” If the answer is no, then you have some work to do. I find it fascinating that women (and men) have this sense of entitlement that they deserve an amazing partner when they haven’t done the necessary work on themselves.
Thinking you can work out or work through these major defects after entering into a relationship is foolish at best. Jesus talks about this in Matthew:
Matthew 7:24-27
24 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”
I prefer to build my relationship on rock.

Hannah Sarenpa

3

Hannah Sarenpa commented…

To be honest, in a way I agree with this. Yes, I believe in grace and accepting other's flaws but if they aren't trying to change or trying to have a good relationship with God, it's probably not healthy to date them. Also, I was kind of used by a guy who had had a LOT of past relationships and also was the "out of sight, out of mind" kind of guy... I thought he would be different for me... but he left me, just like he had with every other girl. Yeah, I understood he'd gone through a lot and was just looking for the right one, but I had an intuition about him and I chose to ignore it.

Kris Concelman

1

Kris Concelman commented…

Horrible article. It sounds like a young woman's checklist. Life experience will tell that ideas and opinions will change/modify with age. No.3 kinda describes the person writing this article.

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