Expand

Making the Most of Being Single

I haven’t spent much of my life being single. But I wouldn’t call it "having a girlfriend" either.

“Single” isn’t the right word, but it’s the first word that comes to mind.

It was keeping the opposite sex around to keep me comfortable. Because I thought that’s what I needed to be happy.

I needed women, in one way or another, to be content. To be satisfied with my life.

Being “single” was easy. I made the most of it. I went on all thedates I could fit into my schedule. Flirted with every woman I saw. Iused pornography regularly, and I didn’t have to hide it from anyone.Being single was great. I may have been on my own, but I never had to be alone. I could be with anyone I wanted. Whenever I wanted.

Unfortunately…

You’re not making the most of being single if you’re still having sex outside of marriage.

You’re not making the most of being single if you’re using pornography.

You’re not making the most of being single if you’re fantasizing about someone else.

You’re not making the most of being single if all you can thinkabout is finding a partner, and asking God why you don't have one yet.

Making the most of being single means being on your own. It’s just you and God. Being single is about discovering who you are, setting personal boundaries,knowing your likes and dislikes, your passions and the desires of yourheart.

If you don’t know these things about yourself, you’re going to datethe wrong person. You will end up living a story that is unintended foryou.

God will never give us anything we cannot handle. We always assumethis means loss and suffering and sickness. You know, the “bad.” Butsometimes God knows we aren’t ready to handle the “good” yet. Fame,fortune and, yes, even husbands and wives. His timing. Not ours.

It’s not your fault you want someone so badly. It’s natural. It’s how our hearts are wired. God made Adam. And God realized that it was not good for Adam to bealone. Men and women are meant to be together. We are meant to havesomeone to do life with. But Adam didn’t just get Eve the moment hewanted her. Adam received Eve when God saw that Adam was ready. When God saw that it was no longer good for Adam to be alone.

Are you ready? Truly ready?

The Church has glamorized marriage. With all these good-looking,young couples around us marrying at 19 and 21, talking about how muchsex they are having and how good it is to be married to their bestfriend. We want it, and we want it badly—who doesn’t?

But just like anything else, the enemy will take what is meantfor good and use it to distract you from where God wants you to be.

The enemy loves that you so desperately want to be married, thatyou’re crying on your bedroom floor, begging God for a boyfriend orgirlfriend because you can’t handle being alone. That your attention isfocused on finding someone to marry. He loves that you don’t think youwill be happy until you find “the one.”

Because that’s right where the enemy wants you: so distracted with adesperate need for a relationship, you cannot live the life God hascalled you to while you’re single.

The way we build the Kingdom as single people is different from the way we build it within marriage.

And if all you’re praying for and thinking about is a futurespouse, you’re missing the life God planned for you as a single adult. God sees His plans through to the end. He’s not going to give you “theone” until He’s completed the good work He intended to complete in youall along as an individual. It could be tomorrow, in a year, or 10.

He is a jealous God. He wants you for Himself, and He wants you to keep your life centered on Him.

Finding someone to spend the rest of your life should bring you an unbridled joy you’ve never experienced, but he or she cannot be your true source for happiness. Your future spouse—that very man or woman you fell in love with and thought could do no wrong—will fail you. This is why God needs us to practice keeping Him as our life-source before we bring another human being into the picture.

Making the most of being single is putting all your hope and trust in God. So when that person does fail you, they will never let you down.Because your hope is not in them to bring you happiness and a betterlife.

Because God is the only unfailing thing in this world.

Making the most of being single is taking the opportunity to become completely content in your relationship with Christ.

Making the most of being single is being 100 percent OK with being single.

Max Dubinsky blogs at MakeItMAD.com and tweets at @MaxDubinsky. This article originally appeared on Good Women Project (@goodwomenproj). 

39 Comments

85,178

guest commented…

Just because Doodlebug7925 has been through a marriage doesn't mean she doesn't "understand what living as a single person is about." While I agree the article is targeted at a younger/never-been-married audience, be careful about excluding its application to anyone else. This would be equivalent to exempting ourselves from the Old Testament because we aren't Hebrew.

85,178

Andrew Tham commented…

I seriously think that this article is good. and it is not written to everyone. His target audience is towards young single people that is looking the wrong way. Only focusing on wanting a life partner more than focusing on God. So please do understand the context of the message. We cannot generalize what he said.

Good article we have here.

85,178

Paul commented…

I know that we always want what we are 'lacking', even if that something we lack will hurt us. God does have a plan for you and I. Listen to the still, quiet voice in your spirit. There will contain all you need for the moment, obeidence is better than sacrifice.
When I was driven to fill that void, I searched for porn, same-sex relationship, and love only to be disapointed.
Don't despise your youth, seek truth, don't settle for less than what God has for you. Look for it, search your heart. Don't be driven bylust or passion of the flesh.
Include God in that search for a special someone, you won't be sorry if you do.

85,178

Paul commented…

Marie, I have learned in my life, that there is cycles we go through. Cycles of friends, some stay constant over the years, but most of them 'change'. Don't fear the oppurtunity you have to learn from new relationships. It's is okay to grieve over lost friends. Hold your head high, continue to pursue Christ.

85,178

Meg R. commented…

Hello Max,
As an old woman who was raised to believe I was nothing without a man to rely upon, I appreciated your true understanding and ability to articulate what being a single personmeans to human beings. The way you describe God needing us to learn patience and waiting in roder to be able to accpet another person into our lives for all the right reasons and in the right ways is exactly the ammo I would have liked to have had when my parents pushed me into marriage at 16 because they decided that was the only thing I was born to do.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Meg, born to be a writer but forced to learn to cook.

Please log in or register to comment

Log In