What Your Pastor’s Jeans Say About Their Theology

12 types of jeans and their important spiritual implications.

While much of the Internet is filled with ridiculous listicles, joke stories and various types of tomfoolery, we at RELEVANT have decided to take the high road.

Instead, we’ve elected to run a valuable piece of journalism and insight to edify and enlighten our readers: After months of research, investigation and study, we’ve uncovered an issue that the Church must reckon with: Our team of reporters and theologians has finally been able to determine what your pastor’s jeans say about their theology.

Jeans with Elaborate Crosses Stitched on the Back Pockets


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This pastor’s sermons are likely filled with lots of cool, overly elaborate illustrations and clips from Braveheart, but this motorcycle-driving cool guy is likely theologically conservative (despite what his be-dazzled denim would have you believe). Like his jeans, his messages are flashy, but not too flashy.

Extremely Tattered Jeans


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Unless the holes in the jeans are only found on the knees—a sign of a jeans-wearing prayer warrior—this pastor's messages are likely similar to his pant choice: NOT APPROPRIATE FOR SUNDAY MORNING.

Carpenter Jeans


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Sure, they may not be as fashionable as they once were, but Jesus was a carpenter, so this pastor is probably pretty solid.

JNCO Jeans


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Back in the '90s, this minister was likely the coolest youth pastor in town. However, his choice of jeans is an indication he has not moved on from his 1994 Aquire the Fire heyday, and that his preferred method of outreach is probably still free ska concerts in the sanctuary. He has frequently wondered why attendance is dropping.

Pleated Jeans


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This individual is clearly a heretic. Run from this church.

Overall Jeans


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Your pastor does not care about what other people think if they are wearing overalls in the pulpit. In some ways, this can be a positive trait and a sign of a strong leader. But at some point, accountability from more fashionable elders should take place.

Bootcut Jeans


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If your pastor is not actually some sort of ranch hand and is wearing bootcut jeans for fashion reasons, not practical ones, then they may be prone to trendy church movements and lack the substance and self-assurance of some teachers. Either that, or they just like Old Navy.

Mom/Dad Jeans


Comfortable. Practical. Can be used in all occasions. We’re not just talking about the jeans, we’re talking about the sermons from these denim wearers. Expect a lot of messages based on a quick seven points or some sort of acronym.

Skinny Jeans


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Watch out for these hipster, tight-jean wearing youngsters. They’re probably reading a Rob Bell book and listening to secular music.

Button Fly Jeans


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There is no good reason for button fly jeans to exist. Zippers are perfectly adequate. What’s this pastor trying to prove, anyway? They are also likely a heretic.

Jorts


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Heretic.

Blazer and Jeans


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The blazer, jeans, black shoe combination has long been the unofficial dress code of aspiring evangelical megachurch pastors.

Top Comments

Blake Johnson

60

Blake Johnson commented…

Should not have been taking a drink when I scrolled over Jorts, almost lost it.

Jonathon Svendsen

24

Jonathon Svendsen replied to Win Groseclose's comment

Oh, it has to be Levi. Why? Because the priest was from the tribe of Levi!

38 Comments

Mike McGinness

1

Mike McGinness commented…

I think this article is great! As a pastor I had to laugh because the imagery is spot on... Those of you taking this too seriously should really think about why you are upset at this article... I absolutely loved the shorts= heretic! Great stuff!

Ashley Paige Reece

1

Ashley Paige Reece commented…

Who edited this article?

Your pastor= 1, singular

Their= more than 1, plural

If the pronoun matched the antecedent, the title of the article should read: "What Your Pastor's Jeans Say About His/Her Theology" (unless you're trying to claim inanimate objects, like jeans, are capable of possessing abstract concepts like theology)...

Tony Hanna

4

Tony Hanna replied to Ashley Paige Reece's comment

Should have been "What your Pastors' Jeans..."

Jacob Eriksson

1

Jacob Eriksson commented…

Dorky article? Yes. Relevant? Ummmm, not so much.

April Dawn Goodner

1

April Dawn Goodner commented…

Funny. I asked our Pastor what kind of jeans he wears. He said blue. LoL. His are straight leg Levi jeans usually starting to fray along the bottom. His jeans normally show traces of paint, fiberglass, and/or plaster from working on some church project or prop. His preaching jeans are whichever pair has the least construction stains that week. :) His sermons are going to deal with the real messy stuff life throws at you. Don't be afraid of the tough stuff; it builds character.

Marcie Caughey

1

Marcie Caughey commented…

Just have to say thanks! You always make me laugh. I love the relevant podcast!

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