When God Doesn’t Answer Prayer

... At least, how we want Him to answer it.

Our all-powerful, all-loving God encourages us to ask Him for what we want. But sometimes, after we’ve put it out there, He seems to turn and walk in the opposite direction. We are left with questions: Why did He want us to pray if He was just going to say no, anyway? Were we praying “wrong” in the first place? What are we supposed to do now?

I have repeated this cycle multiple times. More than a decade ago, I began experiencing unrelenting fatigue, muscle soreness and waning strength. Countless tests and doctor visits later, I received the diagnosis of chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia. For the next five years, I politely asked God for healing, then demanded healing, then finally gave up hope for healing.

As a result, I have been accused of lacking faith by earnest friends and prayer ministers. I’ve confessed and repented of every sin I can think of, wept, protested and spent more than a few days crippled by despair.

We tend to have one of two responses when what we asked for is not given in a timely fashion: trying harder or angry blaming.

Apparently, I am not the only one who struggled because of unanswered prayer. Last week, I invited friends to fill in the blank on my Facebook wall: “Unanswered prayer ... ” I received more than 40 responses, including the following: is deeply disappointing, makes me feel unloved, feels like a betrayal, is confusing, can be overwhelming, is business as usual.

Some of our bewilderment emerges because we actually believe that God is all powerful and that He not only wants us to come to Him like little children, but also encourages us to ask Him for everything, from babies to spouses to jobs to housing to help losing weight. Hence the disconnect when He doesn’t always give us what we want.

This paradox reminds me of our youngest son’s attitude at Christmas. He starts composing his gift list in September, and for the next four months, he will revise, add to and shamelessly share it. Yet when Christmas day rolls around, he is filled with dread—because experience has shown him that though we are good parents, we don’t always give him precisely what he requested. He has told us, “Why bother asking me if you aren’t going to buy me exactly what I want?”

Isn’t this how we feel about our heavenly Father? We tend to have one of two responses when what we asked for is not given in a timely fashion: trying harder or angry blaming.

My five years of spiritual activism post-diagnosis offer you a snapshot of trying harder. I succeeded only in wearing myself out and spiraling deeper into doubt. None of us can make ourselves worthy—that only comes as a gift from Jesus.

Angry blaming similarly leads us into a dead-end. In night four of an insomnia jag, I remember spewing at God, “Why don’t you help me get to sleep? The Bible tells me that you give sleep to those you love! Don’t you love me?” Powerlessness is its own form of suffering. When we’ve run out of other options, anger and blame give us the illusion of control. But it really is only an illusion. It didn’t help my faith, and it certainly didn’t help me to sleep.

What if, rather than interpreting God’s “no” or “not yet” as punishment or indifference, we view it as an invitation to be transformed?

For us to avoid these and other unhelpful responses when our prayers aren’t answered the way we’d hoped, we need to zoom out and glimpse the larger story.

Every day, there is an epic battle being waged for our hearts. The enemy of our soul has an entire arsenal at his disposal, but his go-to weapon is doubt. Adam and Eve didn’t disobey because they craved the apple, but because they fell for the serpent’s ruse that God was withholding good things from them. If you ever find yourself doubting God’s love or questioning His character, push back—hold to what you know to be true.

Expressing gratitude also helps to defuse our despair and suffering. Due to fibromyalgia, I can no longer book all-day photo shoots—but I can still see. I can no longer play basketball with my sons—but I can walk, and I constantly thank God for this gift and many others. Turning our hearts to God in gratitude has the capacity to flip our disappointment upside-down.

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Finally, we must be willing to explore any attachment to entitlement that might contribute to our resentment at how God has answered our prayer. We live in a consumer society and have become accustomed to getting what we want when we want it. Jesus does not promise to give us everything that we want but rather asks us to sacrifice everything—including our own desires for a specific outcome or result. This changes everything when it comes to how we pray.

What if, rather than interpreting God’s “no” or “not yet” as punishment or indifference, we view it as an invitation to be transformed? C.S. Lewis writes in The Problem of Pain, “We are a Divine work of art, something that God is making and therefore something with which He will not be satisfied until it has a certain character.”

The possibility that waiting and suffering have the capacity to transform us offers us profound comfort while crushing our fear of God being fickle. Rather than needing God to answer my accusatory questions of “Why?” I am free to ask, “How can I find You in the midst of this?” This inquiry provides us with the traction we need to move beyond our pain and into the transformation that God has for us.

Top Comments

Jill

1

Jill commented…

July 2013 our 70lb australian shep. started having a pattern of grand mal seizures every full moon and he would cluster 4-5 times in a 12 hour period. Not wanting to put him on traditional medication because of the toxiity to the liver, we tried everything else. The dog went to see holistic vets, changed food to a raw organic diiet, blood work, x-rays, chinese medicine, acupunture....and nothing changed! We prayed over this dog daily, had him on every prayer list and I questioned over and over why God wanted to allow our dog to suffer this way. He is just like one of my children and watching him go through this just crushed me to the soul. On valentines day, at 10:40 PM he clustered for 1 hour with more than 40 seizures back to back. My daughter and I were hysterical, we were screaming, crying and begging God to take his life and spare him from the agony( and us) of these horrible seizures. I even called several emergency vet hospitals to get them to come out and put the dog down....no body helped. I cried out to God again begging for this dogs life to be taken. An hour later he lay on the floor in a puddle of urine, feces and spit. He was blind , paralyzed, and unaware of anything around him. I slept on the couch that night praying to God that I would not have to be the one to get his 70lb paralyzed body off the floor to get him to the vet to have him put down. By 6 am the next day the dogs vision had returned and he had an appetite. I could see movement in his legs but no strength to stand up. By 10 am I had made a makeshift gaiit belt and started pulling him into standing and actually got him out the door. By the end of the day we walked around the block. The next day we went back to the vet and immediately we had him put on medication. She had also suggested rechecking his thyroid with a special lab who did a breed specific thyroid test. Well the blood work came back and it was discovered that he had an underlying thyroid issue which causes seizures in dogs. This was not caught by the other two vets we had taken him to.
I look at this dog now daily and thank God for answering"NO" to my prayer for our dog Asher to die that night. God knew that he would make a full recovery, I didn't I have never been so thankful and grateful for a prayer that was answered with a "NO"
I can now more easily accept "No" and know that God has a bigger better plan....Which I praise his name for!
This "NO" is now imprinted in my brain. I like the author had the feelings in the past of God doesn't love me, what have I done, God wants to punish me, etc.... When prayers weren't answered.
Today I sit here feeling frustrated because I have prayed for a new job and have been praying to go back to school. The doors keep getting slammed in my face. I can now say I probably won't stop getting frustrated and wondering why I don't get a yes, But I have living proof of my dog Asher who was God's perfect answer of a "NO" I have to remember he knows best and we don't

Laura Badaro

3

Laura Badaro replied to Aaron Parsons's comment

"Be paient, I will anser your prayer, but not yet". This is something you made up. "How about ____ instead?" When did God give you something in place of other thing you needed? Normally when I need something desperately, He gives me a bigger problem, so I would shut up and work harder. So no, Gov does not give us things nor answers our prayers, we have to fight alone in this world. Just because you want to think about God in a softer way, it doesn't mean He is doing your life any softer. He can, but He won't. For some of us, of course.

55 Comments

Eric Shawn Savage

1

Eric Shawn Savage commented…

my only child had so much abuse and letdowns his entire life then when he met the girl he had plans to marry she like everyone else let him the rest of the way down his hopes and dreams for a future he cried out to god in severe depression and starvation god did absolutely nothing and he took his life in a horrific way over the cruelty from the girl he loved so much and now i his mom prays every day in tears and sorrow and i hear nothing either but i am much older and wiser my son was too young to understand his exact words in his letter were i think god wants me to come home now he must have told god i will die if you dont give me the girl who loved me back he cried out to several friends the girl a psychologist and even us his parents and no one did a thing to save his life not even god can you explain any of this??? thank you from Eric's mom lisa savage

Thoralf Tollefsen

1

Thoralf Tollefsen commented…

Hello, where are you God? I want to stop guessing.

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1

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