If I had known he would die, what would I have done differently? If I had known she would leave, would I have ever pursued her? If I had known I would fail, would I have ever tried?
These are the questions that come into my mind when I begin to think about my life, God’s omniscience, and my life as a grand story—a life narrative. I read books and listen to lectures where pastors and writers talk about our lives as a greater story, each stage of life being a new chapter with each chapter recounting our experiences. This story has an author (God), a hero (myself) and a setting (today). But if someone else is writing my story and I have been placed in this setting, what in this life is my choice? Are we given the option to rewrite this story?

If I had known that I would have spelled “scrupulous” wrong in the 6th grade spelling bee, would I have ever studied those words? If I had known that I would sprain both my ankles at my 9th grade basketball try-out, would I have stopped playing back in 4th grade? Because really, what’s the point if we fail in the end?

And then I think about my father. He died five months ago in perhaps what you would call a “surprise ending.” I really don’t think my father had any idea that his last chapter would be written on that day or that the author was putting the finishing touches to his story. No, he wouldn’t have known any more than I would know if I died tonight. He died suddenly and unexpectedly. There was nothing he could do or that he could have known. So, when I think about my father should I ask if it was really ever worth getting to know him? Was it really worth being his son?

When I go back to that night he died, it’s easy for me to say what I would do differently. I would have called him more, and I would have made more time to go fishing. I would have went to the Tigers game with him on that weekend, and I would’ve held him a little longer the last time I hugged him goodbye. All of these go without saying for me, but what about him? If he had known it was his time would he have changed anything? Honestly, I have to trust that my father had strong faith in his author, much stronger than I, and although we may think his story is over, it’s actually just beginning.

My girlfriend just recently broke up with me. She is incredible. I replay our relationship in my head every night, reworking each argument, editing out this or that mistake, even rewinding back to her birthday so that I could have done a little more to show her how I care. But with all the changes to my story I make in my mind, the truth is only the author can write the story.

And so I’ve found that the truth is there’s a reason we aren’t given omniscience and there’s a reason that we can’t plan for everything. Maybe God is giving us a gift. A life without tragedy and struggle may seem good, but it is also a life without growth and a life without misery may seem right, but it has no opportunity to ever know happiness. God’s gift is letting us experience life as it is and not as we would have it.

It is for this reason that I know it was my father’s time and together our story will continue on into another chapter someday. It is for this reason that I don’t regret a second I spent practicing basketball or spelling vocabulary words, because whether or not I would fail at them, I loved them. And it is for this reason that I replay every moment I spent with my girlfriend. Were there hurts? Yes. Were there struggles? Yes again. But without the hurts and the struggles how could I have ever appreciated how wonderful she is? I think that these are the flavor to our stories and these add the adventure to our narrative.

And so, I think I do live out a greater story with each day and each opportunity being the beginning of another chapter in my life. If we had the pen do we honestly think we would make our story better? Would we be better for writing out these experiences?

Honestly, I think God’s got a gift for narrative. Maybe we should just leave the writing to the professionals.

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