Confessions of a Depressed Pastor

It's time for the Church to address mental health.

I am a pastor and I struggle with depression.

I know you’re not really supposed to say that as a Christian, and certainly not as a pastor. But the truth is I have struggled on and off with depression for as long as I can remember. The problem is I grew up in a church where we didn’t talk about mental health issues like depression. The result was a lot of confusion about what depression is and what it is not.

For those of us that found ourselves in painfully dark seasons at times the rhetoric seemed clear: real Christians are happy.

For those of us that found ourselves in painfully dark seasons at times the rhetoric seemed clear: real Christians are happy.

At times this caused me to question whether my faith was real. Am I doing this wrong? Am I defective? Did my salvation not take? Had I somehow missed Jesus somewhere along the way? Other times it left me feeling very alone and confused, like a closet leper too afraid to admit my illness for fear of being cast out. It’s only been in recent years that I’ve begun to realize just how common my struggle is. Just look at the stats:

--In 2010, more than 253 million prescriptions were written for anti-depressants in the U.S. (To put that in perspective, there are only 311 million people.)
--Anti-depressants have become the second highest volume drug in the U.S., second only to cholesterol medication.
--The number of people diagnosed with depression increases by 30% every year.
--In 2013 someone committed suicide every 12.8 minutes. And for every “success,” there are over 100 more attempts.

Depression is a very serious issue that the Church can no longer afford to ignore.

I’ve been a part of a lot of different kinds of churches in my lifetime – Presbyterian, Southern Baptist, Evangelical Free, Converge, non-denominational, you name it. In all of my experiences, I can’t remember a single time in which depression was addressed directly from the stage. Earlier this year when I prepared to teach a series on depression I struggled to find more than a handful of churches anywhere that had tackled the issue head on.
Friends, this has to change.

The truth is there remains a lot of confusion about depression. If we won’t address it, people will continue to misunderstand it.

Why? Because there are people in churches every week who are suffering. And if we’re not talking about depression in our churches, chances are very good those people are suffering alone.
The truth is there remains a lot of confusion about depression. If we won’t address it, people will continue to misunderstand it. And when we misunderstand it, we make things a lot worse.
It’s time for the Church to step up.

Whether you struggle with depression or know others that do, I do hope you’ll take the time to give these two messages a listen. If you are a pastor, I plead with you to break the silence and help those in your community better understand and lovingly respond to this very real issue. (If you don’t feel comfortable teaching on it, let’s talk. I’d be happy to help in any way I can.)

For those who struggle with depression, as I do, please know this:

You are not alone.

Even the most conservative numbers I’ve found estimate there are over 120 million others across the globe who struggle with depression and anxiety. They are fathers, mothers, sons, daughters, doctors, lawyers, teachers, entrepreneurs, and yes, even pastors who struggle just like you. Don’t ever buy into the lie that you are alone in this.

Your faith is not broken.

History is full of extraordinary men and women of faith who struggled with depression and anxiety. Saint Bernard, Charles Spurgeon, Martin Luther, Mother Theresa – each walked through their own “dark nights of the soul.”
The bible itself is full of examples. David made a habit of saying things like, “My bones are in agony. My soul is in deep anguish. I am worn out from groaning. All night long I flood my bed with my tears” (Ps 6). Jonah grew so angry with God that he wanted to die (Jonah 4). Jeremiah thought his life so void of hope or value that he cursed the day of his birth (Jer 20:14-18). Elijah was so ridden with anxiety that he begged God to end his life (1 Kg 19:3-4). Despite their struggle, each was hand picked by God to be used in unique and extraordinary ways.

God is for you and He offers to walk with you.

When Elijah became suicidal God didn’t berate him for not being joyful or having enough faith. Instead, God met him right in the middle of his struggle with tender grace. His offer to you is the same.
Jesus said this in Matthew 11:28-30: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

This is the kind of God that God is. He is never surprised when we find ourselves overwhelmed or exhausted. Instead, he fully expects it and he invites us to find life and rest in Him.

Depression is not just a spiritual issue.

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Sadly, Christians still tend to make the mistake of only treating difficult issues like depression spiritually. As a pastor, I’m all for addressing the spiritual, but depression is far too complex to be treated so simplistically. Depression is more than just a spiritual issue. It is also a physiological one that can affect even spiritually healthy people in debilitating ways. If you are a Christian who struggles with depression, don’t make the mistake of thinking if you just pray enough, claim enough, repent enough, or believe enough you will be cured. That may be part of the solution, but you may also find you need to treat the issue medicinally and therapeutically as well. Each is a gift and an expression of God’s grace. Please ignore anyone who tries to shame you into thinking otherwise.

We can no longer afford to ignore mental health issues in the church. Though this may be new ground for many of us, we’ve got to lean in so that we do not make the mistake of continuing to misunderstand and mistreat the growing number who suffer among us. For some, this can literally be the difference between life and death.

As Christians, let’s commit to approach mental health issues with an extra measure of grace and humility as we seek to love and learn together.
Lord, may it be so.

This article originally appeared at Used here by permission.

Top Comments

Carlos Rodriguez


Carlos Rodriguez commented…

“Pastors are not meant to get therapy” vs. “Pastors really need to get therapy.“ I used to live by statement number one, probably why I ended up living statement number two.

Let me start by saying that I am still a pastor. I still believe in the absolute power of Jesus to heal the heart. And I’m still a huge supporter of church counseling and ministry.

But I feel compelled to raise my voice and say: Therapy is not demonic. Taking antidepressants is not a sin. Seeing a psychiatrist is not anti-christian.

And those who suffer from mental health problems are not a failure.


Steven Baker


Steven Baker commented…

The author and I are linked with this topic. I was diagnosed with major clinical depression last year, and I have accepted that depression is a mental illness--a mental disorder if you prefer. It is a brain disorder and an ailment of the soul. Professional mental health counseling, medication, nutrition, exercise, and meditation create the environment for the Lord to have his liberty to restore a soul. "He restores my soul." Ps. 23:3. Churches should be a place for wounded souls to heal. Thankfully, I belong to a helpful church.




Tim commented…

If you expect people to come closer to understand what it's like to feel depression you must move past saying generic statements like "I've struggled with depression" or "millions of people struggle with depression" and speak from your experience in more detail. It's courageous to write an article but be more specific.

For myself, I will never expect not a single person to understand my experience with depression, the hopeless, draining experience that it is. I've tried in the past to help others understand adoption abandonment and I will never do that again because they can't understand my specific experience.

How valuable would it be for someone (non-counselor) to say "wow, I don't understand where you are but that sounds completely awful." Instead of saying essentially "God will work it out for His good." Most of the time I've found church going people are less able and less open to going to the dark places with you. And that's for a variety of reasons of course. Overspirituality, fear of vulnerability and so on.

Social media does not help one bit either because we have to look our best in front of people.

Well that's all I'll say because I'm sick and tired of people not listening anyway.

Jennifer Rundle


Jennifer Rundle commented…

You're so right Aaron. It does need to be addressed. As a person who must (maybe for the time being, maybe forever) be on antidepressants and have suffered all of the mental, emotional and spiritual angsts along with my physical manifestations, I felt compelled by God to lead a study group in my church on it. Not coincidentally, my pastor had been praying for that opportunity to open up. So with God's wisdom I'll touch on the clinical and spiritual. Satan has kicked me while I've been down and worse than any anxiety attack or insomnia or lethargy. For me, that's been the worst. Any help I can provide my community, with an emphasis on holding onto God's promises, is what I'm hoping for.

Ashley J


Ashley J commented…

Well I have tried just about everything instead of antidepressants. I think the worse thing about depression is not living your life with a normal mind. Also, when you have people who do not understand. I actually talked to a man about it and he gave me some general curse breaking prayers and he will perform deliverance on me. I just want to live life victoriously and not feeling down and sick all the time.

Carolyn Robe


Carolyn Robe commented…

You MAY find you need to treat depression medicinally and therapeutically,as well as pray, repent etc. Would we say that about other illnesses, like diabetes, for example? or epilepsy? No. We would say "Go see a doctor." "Get professional healthcare". You need to find out if you have clinical depression...Also how does one define depression? It is not just feeling "blue" or sad.....? The patient often lacks insight into his or her own condition. As with other medical conditions. That is when a pastor can direct someone toward medical care!

Bill Ellis


Bill Ellis commented…

I suffered from depression for about 3 to 4 years when I was working full time and trying to finish a doctorate in chemistry (lab work and writing) at night and on weekends. My psychologist diagnosed my problem as "crisis of mid-life". I was in my late 20s. I think the diagnosis was way off the mark. In retrospect, it became clear to me that my depression resulted from shame and exhaustion. It took me 12 years from my BA to get my PhD, and I was never sure I would ever finish; that made me ashamed. The long hours made me exhausted. When I did finish, I told my wife that I did not want a party to celebrate, because I almost did not reach a goal I had since the 9th grade. In retrospect, I realize that my depression was in large part caused by a self-imposed requirement.
Teaching a bible class yesterday on Jesus' Beatitudes, I perceived that "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven" (NIV) might very well refer to those who are depressed.
I have "low" periods now and then, usually after periods of stress or hyper-activity. I see these low periods as natural recovery periods, imposed by my body and mind, and I accept them without concern. (I am finally at mid-life, at age 68.)

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