5 Really Bad Reasons To Leave Your Church

There are good reasons to change churches, but there are a lot more bad reasons.

Let’s be honest, while there are some good reasons for leaving a church, there are a lot more bad ones. As a pastor, I hear some of them every now and then as people walk out the door. As a church planter, I hear them constantly as people walk in the door.

If you’re thinking about looking for a new church home, please don’t use one of these five reasons to make the jump:

1. “I’m not being fed”

Do pastors have a responsibility to steward the scriptures and care for their church spiritually? You bet they do. And it can be all too easy to overlook this while trying to manage staff, build systems, meet needs, put out fires and develop leaders, all while overseeing the overall vision and direction of the church. But let’s be honest, if you own a smartphone, a personal computer or a library card, you have access to some of the best preaching and teaching in the world. You can even find teaching archives of some of the greatest preachers of all time. Christian, you have access to more “meat” than any other generation before you!

Your primary call in the church is to contribute, not just to consume.

To leave a church because you’re not getting "enough" is a cop out. Your primary call in the church is to contribute, not just to consume. As a Christian, you shouldn’t require spoon-feeding for the rest of your life. Eventually you need to learn how to feed yourself so that, in time, you can actually feed others. Remember, your call is not just to be a disciple but to make disciples.

2. “It’s getting too big”

I can appreciate the sense of loss that accompanies growth. When we first began, our church was little more than a small band of brothers and sisters meeting together in a living room. It feels very different now that we are a church of a few hundred people spread across multiple services. There are moments when I miss the intimacy and simplicity of those early days. But remaining small is a sad and unbiblical goal.

When churches are faithful to the Great Commission, lives will be changed and people will be added to their number. It may not happen rapidly, but growth is sometimes inevitable for faithful churches, given a long enough timeline. If you have a problem with big churches, you really wouldn’t have liked the first church, and you definitely won’t like heaven.

3. “I don’t agree with everything that is being preached”

You know what? Neither do I and I’m the pastor. As such I fully reserve the right to disagree with myself. And every now and then I do exactly that. Why? Because I’m learning. I’m growing. I’m asking questions. And my hope is that those I pastor are doing likewise.

If you insist that your pastor agree with you on every little thing under the sun, you are going to either hop from church to church for the rest of your life in perpetual disappointment or you will eventually give up and drop out altogether. Chances are you are not going to agree with everything that is preached anywhere. As long as your pastor isn’t preaching outright heresy, you can afford to disagree on secondary issues.The truth is when you choose to stay despite disagreeing on some things, you, your pastor and your church are better for it.

4. “My Needs Aren’t Being Met”

When someone lists this as a reason for leaving it is a dead giveaway that somewhere along the way they came to believe that the Church actually exists to serve their needs. They’ve bought into the lie that, when it comes to church, it’s really about “me.” Here’s the problem: the Church actually isn’t about you. It’s about Jesus. It’s his Church. He came for it. He died for it. He redeemed it. He continues to build it. And one day, he’ll come back for it. It’s his.

The Church doesn’t exist to meet your needs. You are a part of the Church that exists to meet the needs of the world.

This is the same Jesus who came to seek and to save the lost and then commissioned his Church to go and do the same. The Church doesn’t exist to meet your needs. You are a part of the Church that exists to meet the needs of the world. Put away the shopping cart and pick up a shovel.

5. Unresolved Conflict

Wherever you find the community of sinning saints you will find conflict. Lots of it. The Church is one big family full of characters and misfits. Sometimes sisters argue. Sometimes brothers fight. Sometimes you want to bury your weird uncle in the backyard. But despite it all, family is supposed to be the place where you stick together. Even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.

Paul addressed a lot of church conflict in his letters. No where do I hear him encouraging believers to bail on one another or move on down the road to a different church where it’ll be easier. Instead, much of his letters are his encouraging and coaching these ragamuffin communities in how to do this very hard and messy thing together.

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When we leave at first sign of real conflict, it shortchanges God’s best work in our midst. It sidesteps the process of repentance, forgiveness and grace. It negates the power of the Gospel to bring reconciliation where reconciliation might seem impossible. We and those around us miss out on all of it when we just leave.

I do know that not all conflict is resolvable. I know that reconciliation is impossible where there is no repentance. I get that. But remember, repentance starts with us. And so does the extending of grace. And when we resolve to stick around and keep on repenting and extending grace, I think God can do far more than we often give Him credit for. Some of God’s best work happens in the mess.

An earlier version of this article appeared on aaronloy.com

250 Comments

tamela.myers.7

Sometimes people leave a church for the church putting a cap on the Holy Spirit. When the holy spirit is wanting to flow to do more and greater things then the church is wanting to allow.

laura.polk.35

Boy, this is opening a can of worms!! My husband and I recently left our church that we grew up in, got married in, raised our family in. All it took was 2 corrupt (yes, I do mean corrupt) men who managed to become elders and 3 others to step down. Along with a pastor who wasn't big on accountability and bam! You have a perfect storm. In the 7 months since we have left, I have come to the conclusion that God moved us out of that church because He knew we'd never leave on our own. God has an opinion about this.

isaacm1

The article has a good attempt to address the way we ought to behave but let's be honest, part of what has killed folk spiritually are religious folk. People who do things as a routine and just because it looks and feels right. Why remain in a church that is not feeding you, part of going to a church is so that you can be taught, instructed, motivated, delivered and inspired, if that is not happening for any reason then why stay. The church does not own people, they belong to Christ so to make the church an owner of a person because they go there is but wrong.

The pastors have the vision and build the church as God has instructed them so then if that vision is altered, why stay?

To leave the church because it's getting too big is a poor excuse from people who cannot be responsible. It's an excuse of someone who is too lazy and does not understand the mission of our commission

If you do not agree with what is being taught, leave. How can two walk together unless they agree. There is power in agreement, you cannot build the same vision when you pull in different directions. Remember the tower of Babel, they were of one mind so if you are not if one mind what are you building. Go where you feel the vision aligns to what is in you.

It's God who supplys needs so to leave the church because your needs are not being met means you trust men not God.

Unresolved conflict, well if one leaves because of it that means they have not lived the word. You forgive and worship, it's not about the other person so if you cannot resolve it, leave it to God, forgive and return to your place of worship.

If you feel the church is no longer your place, it's okay to leave, there is no reason to stay where you are not building, and disagree with what is happening in the church

david.spillman.56

I see from time to time especially in young Christians today myself included we start off well in church fight win a few battles through a hardship and eventually fade out over a period of time then life gets hard again and here we are, then missing so much church you feel ashamed to face your old church family, what makes it harder is all the sin you've collected while being away, God forgives yes but can't we grow stronger, how do we finally free ourselves to truly love God ? I know well just keep trying glory to God. Pray for those like us.ty

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